The Aftermath

After a year of medicinally purging themselves of the psychological terror experienced over the course of their tenure at the now defunct TFA/Leo Burnett Technology Group through a new form of treatment called "Chatsip" (a now medically proven form of bitching, dishing and gossiping in a group like forum), all former employees of the Chicago based agency have been given a clean bill of health from the Bisceglia Mind Mapping Institute.

This new form of psychological healing for advertising employees subjected to the rigors of client meetings, con calls, Inbox fattening email jokes, pointless corporate policies, gratuitous holiday gifts, and idiotic management practices has the industry abuzz with comment.

�I�m not sure I buy into the treatment.� said Jim Mullen of the Mullen Institute for Woodland Cults. �Over the course of our Institutes existence, we have seen our method of soothing woodlands and illusions of mansion grandeur to be the most superior form of keeping employees in line�uh..I mean keeping employees happy.�

�This is all very interesting�� said Jack Conners of the HHCC Sky Club for Advertising. �But we have had wonderful success keeping our overworked and underpaid employees free of ad related stress simply by overpowering that stress with the stress of an airplane potentially flying right through their office window. We have actually created a campaign that includes posters on the windows showing an approaching airplane. Employees love it. Stress is down. Productivity is up. Everyone is happy.�

Out in Maynard, Massachusetts, Pat Harpell of the Harpell Lack of Management Skills Institute disagrees with this touchy-feely approach as she describes it. �Employees don�t need of this new soft handed babble speak to get them to produce. All they need is management that mind fucks them so intensely that their only choice is to stare blankly at their cube wall saying, �My opinion doesn�t matter. I have nothing to add. Management doesn�t give a shit what I think. I am of no value to this company. I am a helpless automaton with no alternative other then to Do my Fuckin Job�. This approach has been so successful for us that we have won the downsizing race of late. We were actually able to go from 65 people to 13..inside of a year! Now, I call that a system that works!�

Former employees of TFA/LBTG are ecstatic with the results.

Jon Carpenter, former TFA/LBTG Interactive Designer gleefully explains, �At first, I just could not stop talking about it. I just had so much to say. In fact, I was the most psychologically addicted member of the team. Now�I am completely free. I have nothing more to say.�

Doug Geer, former Art Director and another very prolific participant in the treatment was actually the first to be cured. He was the first to state that, �It as a great ride but now I am cured. I�m done. I�m ready to move on!�

However, while this has been a shining success story and a truly revolutionary form of Advertising Psychosis, there have been some side effects to the treatment. At the thought of ending this group related form of treatment, former Media Director, Steve Hall literally broke down in tears and begged his former agency mates to keep participating in the treatment only to have the Psychosis crawl up his ass and start eating the shit out of his colon.

Mr. Halls fears were put to rest, though, after a sympathetic member of the group offered help with a unique psychosis reducing tactic within the treatment. This unique tactic within the treatment called the �Doug Geer Top Ten List� enabled Mister Hall to regain his composure, stop begging, and is on his way to a full recovery.

As a whole, the former member of TFA/Leo Burnett Technology Group now look back fondly yet longingly to a time that once was. A time that can now be remember as one of pleasure and not on filled with management inanities and $3,000 expense accounts. They have all purged themselves of the oft-experienced �Seanerrorism� nightmares that used to plague all during sleep.

In the Advertising world, there can be happy endings. The group is know to get together on occasion to relive the positives during those intense years of their careers and to dwell not on the terror of the past but on the optimism of the future.

Surprisingly, and due in no small part to the �Chatsip� treatment, most have stayed in the advertising business and are now able to enjoy the true joys of advertising without the nasty side effects.

Just yesterday, an agency called 3i has decided to try this new treatment program after having experienced amazingly similar symptoms to those of the former TFA/LBTG employees.

(Please lawyers, this is a parody)


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by Steve Hall    May- 8-02   Click to Comment   
  

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