You Can't Blame InGrid for Trying. You Can, However, Resent It

InGrid Home Security recently tapped video site National Banana -- whose online offerings include "Gay 4 Obama" and "Spitzer Call Girl Resigns" -- to help build some saucy new ads.

Yeah.

See the results of the collabo on InGrid. The idea behind the spots is to compare InGrid's sexy "wired" home security with the cumbersome systems of yore. The out-of-touch dad/embarrassed-young-daughter gimmick was not lost on us.

Horrid.

Homebuilder Plays Matchmaker. Garsh, that's So Hip.

"Hey Adrants! I don't know if you'd be interested or not, but this homebuilder is hip." (Signed "anon.")

An email like the one above is a really good way of guaranteeing we will quietly hate your company even before we're exposed to its creative. Anyway, check out Shapell Matchmaker, a Shapell Homes campaign that pairs people to their ideal corner of suburbia.

See cheesy video. (Was Bruce Campbell busy?) I took the website quiz, which was kind of fun. My perfect match was the Glens in Gilroy.

So not hip.

Charismatic Guitarist Peddles for Ribs on Open Mic Night

I'm not really sure what to say about "Spare a Rib" for KC Masterpiece (agency: DDB, SF). I guess I'd argue that if some guy solicits you for food with a catchy chorus, then compels everyone around you to leap up and perform choreographed dance moves, you should probably leave, because that's some unnerving Pied Piper shit, and we all know how that story ended.

Oh, and nice touch with the ragey guy breaking his banjo over the anvil.

Honda Pilot Attracts Geeks ... Just Not the Kind that Get Rich and Marry Models

In specific, the Honda Pilot will steer you into the path of geriatric ballooning nudists, jetpack users and at least one guy trapped in a cement block. All will be male, and all will be slightly left of your comfort zone.

These unlikely Good Samaritan scenarios highlight the Pilot's merits: rearview camera, navigation with voice recognition and "surprising" fuel efficiency. None of that is terribly unique, but all of it is now lodged in my brain, if only so I can turn the ads into slow-night bar fodder.

But wait! There's print stuff too. See Youtility and Ride Ready, which are less creepy, but also less interesting. Agency: RPA.

It Goes to Show: Video Games will Shrink Your, Uh, Manhood.

Or possibly just turn it into a thumb. TBWA\Wien, Vienna: what were you thinking?

Gizmodo, which is now an Xbox convert, says the PS3/Playboy ad was not formally approved by Sony. That's nice and all, but it's still repelling people right and left.

At times like this, it's not enough to say "Sorry, this ain't ours." Contrary to popular belief, a crappy ad can adversely impact sales. Sony needs to pull some Vatican crap and deploy a creative assassin. Or maybe some sort of secret weapon, like the Giant Mouse of Minsk.

Stroking Glass Cleaner Brings On Hottie's Burning Desire

Ladies, when a bartender peers lustfully into your eyes while thrusting a large, stiff brush deep inside a glass, slowing stroking it in and out with commanding determination and urgency while undressing you with his eyes, do you A.) begin to feel a warm, tingling sensation between your legs that excitedly inflames your entire body causing a tidal wave of uncontrollable arousal titillating you to desirously caress your nipple-stiffened breasts with your eager finger tips while imagining that huge pulsating brush deep within your quivering and moistening nether regions pleasuring you to the point of...OK...I'll stop right there or B.) grab your purse and run from the freak?

Make your choice but it seems the woman in this Flirt vodka commercial opted for A.

AMP Energy Removes Last Night's Shame

Kankles! I haven't heard that term in a while. But it's one of the many things uttered during the walk of shame the morning after you've bedded someone who's name you've now completely forgotten and who's clothing you are probably wearing.

Well, thanks to AMP Energy, shame is a thing of the past and we can all now hold our heads high as we march home proudly remembering the prior evenings dalliances with glee and song.

Mom's a Slut. Men Are Free Loading Slobs. Happy Mother's Day

I will admit I did not "get" this Mother New York-created Mother's Day video at first. I figured it was yet another sappy ode to a holiday that demands men to, in one day, must express their appreciation for the mom in their life with trite ditties such as a card or a meal at a restaurant as opposed to the daily verbal appreciation that truly expresses appreciation.

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WTF Doesn't Even Come Close to Expressing This Campaign's WTFness

Um, open your mind? Facial reconstruction? Experience the beauty of music? Be kind to animals? Kill your kid by blowing off his head? Some campaigns occasionally cause a serious case of WTFness. This one from Bilioteq Creative books goes so far beyond WTF that after seeing them maybe, akin to the ads themselves, you'll tear off your face and rip out your brain forever leaving behind any chance you'll ever again have to be faced (ooo...was that a pun?) with the challenge of harming your brain cells interpreting WTFness such as this ad campaign from South Africa's FoxP2.

Adult Swim and Honda Team For Fit-Promoting T-Shirt Contest

Adult Swin, those crazy folks who bring us Aqua Teen Hunger Force has teamed with Honda for a T-shirt contest to promote the auto maker's Fit. Dubbed Adult Tees, the contents asks viewers to design t-shirts inspired by Adult Swim. The winner of the contest, which runs from May 12 for seven weeks with the sweepstakes portion from June 30 to July 7.

To promote the contest, Adult Swim will air "Fit is Go" themed on-air promotions and :30's which will encourage people to visit adultswim.com to upload their t-shirt designs and to check out other contestant's submissions. Oh, and Honda branding and videos will be all over the Adult Swim website, natch.

Oddly, as of today, there's no mention of the contest on the website yet.

Billboard Branches, Newscaster F-Bombs, Google Friends

- A billboard for the eco-friendly Toyota Prius is eco-friendly to the trees behind the board allowing the branches to put through cut outs in the board.

- Newscaster drops angry F bomb on air.

- Alisa Leonard explains Google new Friend Connect service which provides site owners the ability to port in content and members from other social networks.

- PubMatic's AdPrice Index reveals eCPMs for large Web sites dropped 52 percent from 38 cents in March to 18 cents April. Medium Web sites were nearly flat, with monetization dropping from 34 cents in March to 33 cents in April. Small Web sites improved, increasing from $1.18 in March to $1.29 in April.

Hotel Goes on Tour. There's Something We've Never Heard Before

Looks like Brian Collins' brand experience manifesto has made converts in the Parisian hospitality industry.

Hotel chain F1 (formerly Formule1), which targets tourists between 18-35, is promoting its "new generation" brand with the Crazy Room Tour. Bearing the slogan "Tu dormiras plus tard!" (roughly: "You'll sleep in!"), the tour will hit 18 cities with branded deejays, video games and group activities.

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'She's the Driver?' Oh God.

Nothing sells a car like the sight of a meek-looking hottie who drives like she's out of her fucking mind. Just ask the directors of The Fast and the Furious or The Italian Job.

With that lesson learned, here's an Ogilvy spot for the Mercedes Benz SLK.

A slightly crippling accent doesn't hurt either. (Remember orgasmum?) You're sure to win the fetishists. And isn't it cute how she tries to say "Fifteen percent -- up front!" like a bad-ass but just can't?

DC Commuters Play Hopscotch for Rail Safety

I bet subway stations are among the most bountiful wellsprings of suicidal feelings. They are generally ugly, reeking of piss and bad food, and we get stuck at some such place for longer than we'd like, contemplating the person and/or creative career we failed to pursue.

No wonder people fling themselves into the tracks.

Exit10's "Life is Fun" campaign for Washington, DC METRO gives commuters games like hopscotch and I Spy to pass the time. The message: "Life is fun. Keep on living. Use caution around the tracks."

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Jiggling Breasts Yield to Jiggling Bellies in Subaru Commercial

Well it's about time for some equal time. Why should commercials which involve cars, water and soap suds combined into a slow motion sex-fest be reserved exclusively for hot young women in tiny bikinis that barely cover their pulchritudinous curvaceousness? That's just so...sexist.

Thankfully, Subaru knows this and has left thong-clad females out of it's latest Forrester commercial in favor of...yes...hot, sexy, belly-jiggling sumo wrestlers. What fun! Oh come on. You know a jiggling belly can be just as hot as jiggling breasts, right?

Because It's Obligatory for Moms to Be Like, 'No, Don't Get Me Anything'

I read somewhere that Mother's Day is more important to mothers than any other holiday. And while we may suspect that's true, moms are constantly trying to downplay it -- which is a dirty trick you should never fall for.

Seriously. I fell for the "It's just a day, don't bother" speech two years ago. The next time I saw my mother, she tossed my gift aside and snarled, "I didn't want your presents. I wanted your presence." It was clear she'd been practicing that line for days.

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Careful, Miracle-Gro, You're Showing Your Age.

Maybe because it's not hip to the existence of guerrilla gardening, Miracle-Gro is using '70s pop and a catchy new slogan to staple a sense of cool to its 60-year-old plant food product.

Under the wince-worthy slogan "It's Gro Time," this dated spot jams in print-supported phrases like "dirt manicure" and "tomato mojo" while gardeners jiggle bare midriffs and mist plants to "I Believe in Miracles (You Sexy Thing)."

God, how hopelessly lame. Thanks to ML Rogers, New York for all this quiet angst.