Mortar's Recession Solution: A Spork, Some Booze and Pocket-Sized Luck
Instead of sending over a typical holiday card, Mortar went the extra mile and sent us a Holiday Recession Kit.
It is amazingly practical.
Tools for survival include Top Ramen ("It got you through college, it'll get you through this"), a Magic 8-Ball, a Spork ("Perfect for Top Ramen, or digging your way out of prison. Or defending yourself in prison"), matches, edible packing material, and a wee bottle of VooDoo Spiced Rum, which is pretty self-explanatory.
All it's missing is a single cigarette and some rope.