Licensed Music Does More Harm Than Good For Brands

In a yet to be published (we are told) letter to Advertising Age in response to its publication of the Top Ten Ad Songs of the Year, The Apollo Project's Paul Horn makes the convincing argument the songs are nothing more than a representative playlist one might find on a Brooklyn-based hipster music blog.

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Helicopter Douses Pool Party Fire With Hot Guys

This is nowhere near as good as the first ad Netherlands travel company X-Travel did in which a not so un-lifelike plane crash occurred right in front of a beach before the joke was revealed; X-Travel is a travel agency for frat boys and their bikinied girlfriends.

The reveal is no different in this second spot but the lead up in which a helicopter "inadvertently" scoops up two guys with a forest fire water bag just isn't the same a a plane crash. Nor has it garnered anywhere near the 2 million plus views the original saw.

But hey, it's a pool party and who doesn't love a pool party?

Welch's Defends the Honor of its Juice

"Purple is the new black," proclaims a PR guy in an emailed preamble about his love of grape juice, which has been "much maligned as a sugary kids' drink that can't be natural (what could possibly be that purple, right?)."

In that manic light, Welch's, whose purple is 100% au naturelle, enlisted "food scientist" Alton Brown of the Food Network's Good Eats program.

Behold as he vindicates Welch's time-tested, suspiciously picturesque juice production practices. ("At Welch's, squeezing CON-cord grapes into natch'rel juice releases TONS of anti-awx-idants called ... po-lee-fee-nols.") He even takes time out of his day to teach us the Latin name for the Concord grape. (Veetis Labrewsca, baby.)

Boy does that ad work up a thirst. As well as a curious craving for Eucharist bread. "Uh-maaaay-zing little fruit." Thanks for your endorsement, Alton Brown!

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Imagine if 'Jackass' Had an Educational Bent.

To promote a marathon of The Discovery Channel's top shows, CA Square put together "Best of Discovery," a montage of clips where men get slapped, crocs are wraastled bare-handed, bugs get eaten live, and things are inevitably blown up.

Also, I'm pretty sure somebody got struck by lightning.

In his sauciest, most vigorous key, the narrator promises "more thrills, more explosions, more dirt ... more INSANITY." Curious? The marathon kicked off this week. No worries if you missed anything; it lasts for 13 days.

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Teleflora Super Bowl Commercial to Trash Boxed Flowers

Oh look! There are going to be advertisers in this year's Super Bowl. Joining the list, for the first time, is Teleflora which will use its Super Bowl commercial to highlight its Valentine's Day offerings. Because for some reason, flowers delivers unboxed are better than those delivered in a box, that's what the commercial will highlight with a box of flowers asking the woman ito whom it was given, "Have you ever considered rhinoplasty?"

The commercial's tag will read, "Don't send flowers in a box. You don't know what they'll say." While that potentially could come off as funny but, really? A talking box of flowers? Rhinoplasty? Unboxed flowers better than boxed? Damn, that's a lot for a guy to take in. It's hard enough just buying the flowers.

So guys, you might want to leave the room when the commercial airs giving you plausible deniability when you fail to deliver your woman a nice (unboxed) bouquet on V Day.

Scion 'Samples' Puts Individuality Back in Play

In '07, Scion seduced us with dark wit and gothic charm. Then, in '08, the company took an unexpected sharp turn down Lackluster Lane, barraging us with "limited edition" cars and other cheesy gimmicks.

(By way of explanation, a company rep said Scion's Little Deviants effort -- where "sheeple" are violently attacked by imps in custom cars -- upset a few crucial people.)

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Geico's Kash Still Watching

The Martin agency has added two new spots to the Geico Kash campaign. That's the campaign in which the creepy looking stack of money with eyeballs appears seemingly to indicate the money one could have saved had one been a Geico customer.

The interesting thing about these spots is that they are so random. In one, a roofer tells another roofer he's being scoped out, one assumes, by a girl. As it turns out, it's just that creepy stack of Geico money. In another, a man stops to ask a guy working on a fence for directions. After a longish pause in which the guy in the car considers how the hell he's going to get where he's going, he notices the Geico stack of money. Fence guy looks and says, "Poor fella. He must have following your for miles. Looks tired."

Cue mid-eighties dance tune Somebody's Watching Me.