...and Here's What Happened at Wrath of Cannes!

For those too junior or broke to go to Cannes this year, there was Wrath of Cannes in the "East Riviera,"* where advertising's overlooked enter work to win a trophy they can't actually take home. (It gets recycled for next year.)

This year's winner was ex-associate AD Alan Kwon of RTCRM (now freelancing). He entered a tear-out coupon for Crunch Gym, printed on Tyvek, which means the material was virtually untearable.

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Sexy Stripshow + Live Gutting = 'Viral Success'

To call attention to the apparently savage act of gutting a fish while it's alive, Dutch agency Revolver Media created a website and video featuring fetish model Ancilla Tilia. There was a countdown clock and on Monday, June 22, Tilia began to strip.

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Seed Bombs, Tweetolution, Spike Lee Spake

- Houses come a-hunting on Twitter. (More proof that in this market, it's do-or-die time.)

- Love can be complicated. (But once you pop...!)

- The revolution will be Tweeted. In Iran, anyway.

- 140-character twibutes to Michael Jackson. Srsly.

- Spike Lee, out loud and in Cannes.

- Seed bombs. That plant seeds!

- When writers go apeshit.

Seriously, Sears. You're Never Getting Your Fetch Back

In yet another effort to hipify itself with a generation that's never heard of The Sears Catalog let alone even noticed the store in a mall as they scamper by it on their way to Justice, American Eagle or Claire's, retail giant Sears has hired Disney cutie Selena Gomez for its back to school effort.

Wait, wait, WAIT!!!! Back to school? Stop! Stop! Stop!! Can we please start Summer first? Seriously. This is like summer blockbuster movies making their debut in April. Or Christmas promotions beginning the day after Halloween. There are rules here, people. Rules that must be followed. You can't just mess with seasons like this. You can't mess with our heads. Seriously. Why don't we just start celebrating New Year's 2010 today!

Anyway, Selena (Miley? Miley? Where did you go, Miley?), along with Demi Lovato, is Disney's new it girl so if the retail giant's trying to connect with teens and tweeners, they did choose the right spokesperson for its Arrive Lounge effort.

On the site, visitors can vote for the best styles in a series of air band competition videos. Design Kitchen created the work.

State Street Offers Dogs Dating Tips

Soccer ball? Nope. Stuffed animal? Nope. Baseball glove? Nope. Squeaky toy? Nope. Slipper? Nope? SPDR Bone from State Street? Yup.

Yes, this is how we explain the benefits of precision investing with SPDR EFTs,

And becasue this is advertising, the whole thing's an homage to the French film Breathless.

The Gate Worldwide created the work.

Cannes Lions: Real Winnars in Film, Interactive and Titanium; Perspective on Our Horizons

Saturday night: the show to end all shows, the one people actually queue in line for. (Though markedly less so than in previous years, as tweeted by Influencia.) And while recession-spawned conservatism was accounted for, the jury hailed from all corners of the globe and generated cheers -- like rock stars.

Saw some awesome work over the next two hours, but it remains a shock who ultimately won what.

There was a lot of talk about how Cannes Lions '09 differed from previous years. I'd say there was a greater focus on how efforts addressed users directly, although creativity remains a big part of that. And given who won the Grands Prix for Titanium and Integrated, it may be the first year agencies must take into account that the user has become a legitimate advertiser himself.

This is no death-of-the-agency foretelling; it's simply a call to listen more closely and respond more intuitively to the crowd. We have spent so many years trying to contrive artificial emotional connections between products and people; it is only natural that, now that they're able, consumers demand to know why those connections should exist in the first place.

What does your company stand for? Does it listen and respond to me? Crucially, is it as willing to incorporate me into its message as I am to incorporate it into my life?

Grand Prix recipients, and a wee bit o' work, listed below.

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Pigs, Guns, Champagne, Gargantuan Breasts Promote Book

Described as a "brilliant riposte to the current financial climate and the champagne fueled jungle," a debut novel from James Palumbo is getting some promotion with a dark, noire-style video complete with old school gangster-style slayings, gallons of champagne, freaky pig-headed people and breasts so big they need a wheeled cart to support them.

The book, available July 1, is about a society gone wrong. A society in which reality channel Shit TV (yes, that's what it's called) has overtaken the small screen and filled it with "homicidal dwarfs on rollerblades and obese mamas in tutus." Title character, Tomas, has had enough and with the help of his tommy gun, he hopes to eradicate the world of this filth.

An additional two promotion videos will be added to the site on July 3 and July 10.

Madonna Brings Bunny Ears to (Expensively) Clothed Style Mavens

Louis Vuitton continues its gritty, occasionally nauseating work with Madonna in a fresh effort for AW09.

Supposedly a video's coming out soon, but in the meantime content yourself with this surreal and childlike shot of Madge wearing the same bunny ears she wore to the Met Gala last month. (Guess it's a tribute to the culture that we're jarred by the sight of bunny ears unaccompanied by a bowtie.)

Hollyscoop lists all the reasons why the ad doesn't quite jive. We'll content ourselves with saying both bag and pop icon are too heavy for such a frothy fairy princess treatment, which better serves less bulky labels like Lanvin.

Wrangler's Cannes-Winning 'We Are Animals' Gets Wankered

Remember that creepy We Are People campaign Wrangler ran a while back in which humans were hunted as if they were animals? We called it "bad advertising that's trying to pass itself off as high art." Guess that shows how much we know about advertising...the thing won a Grand Prix Press Lion.

But, that's not what we're talking about here. Nope. We're talking about a spoof of the campaign in which the tables are turned and the whole thing becomes We Are People. Except there's animals. Walking around as if they were people.

The campaign's called Wanker. George Parker would love it.

Perlorian Brothers Offer Alternative View of Cannes

Everyone takes a little something different away from Cannes. Some take home awards. Some come home with nothing more than a giant hangover. Others, like the Perlorian Brothers come home with a decidedly different take. Have a look here.