Thank you Dr. Betty Bottoms...and Copyranter...for calling attention to a seeming large problem among the female species: Butt Complex. Yes, apparently, women the world over have a tough time appreciating their booty the way it is and can't help but wish that had J. Lo butt. Or at least a Reebok Easy Tone butt.
Dr. Betty Bottoms is here to help. And Betty Bottoms ought to know. Her ass is quite fine. As is the rest of her. But we're not here to talk about Betty Bottoms We're here to talk about your ass, ladies. That's right. Get a good look at your ass. Check it out in the mirror. Take a picture of it. Rate it from 1 to 10. Does it hold up to your standards? Would you want your ass to be seen in a thong at the beach?
If you're not pleased with the shape of you ass, then we suggest you take Dr. Betty Bottoms' advice and go buy some Reebok Easy Tone shoes. Of course, this is all crap. Any shoe will do. You just have to work that ass. Exercise. Then strap that thong on, saunter down the beach and marvel at all the drool that hits the sand as you walk by.
Want to become an experts in social media? Are you curious how all those social media gurus came to be? Do you wonder how these experts can prattle on endlessly about joining the conversation over and over at conferences which seemingly take place every day in every city across the globe?
Wonder no more! The answer is here. Social Media Pills. Pop a few of these and you, too, will be able to hop on the social media bandwagon and start spewing jargon in 140 character bursts. You'll retweet in your sleep. You'll update hundreds of brand's Facebook statuses in one gesture. You will join the throngs of other social media gurus as they make their annual pilgrimage to the city formerly known as Austin, Texas where a conference called SXSW used to be held.
Now known as CNN City, you'll gather at the Foursquare Convention Center where you and a Quora of your Instagram followers will raise your iPhones in worship of the greatest Social Saint of them all, Markus Zuckerbergus.
And at the Solis Senter of Broganomics, you will hoot your Empire Avenue stats in unison while candles flickr and the entire gathering is LiveShared and discussed in one gigantic GroupMe thread while TextPlus looks on wishing it were part of the party instead of being perpetually stuck in middle school.
Yes, people. The time is right. The time is now. Pop a few Social Media Pills and you'll Kik your sad life goodbye and chant "HeyTell! HeyTell! HeyTell!" at the top of your lungs until you break for some Beluga caviar and Yobongo Bites before you head out to the Hashable Mashable party where Cashable will pose with the angelic Babe of Bettany who, if you're good, will knight your iPhone worthy of downloading Camera+.
For the cool sum of $10 million, Angelina Jolie has signed a deal with Louis Vuitton to front a new global campaign for the fashion brand. The campaign, shot by Annie Liebowitz, will break this summer in print.
Jolie follows in the footsteps of Madonna, Scarlett Johansson, Keith Richards, Uma Thurman and Jennifer Lopez, all of whom have fronted the brand in the past.
As a man who might approach a woman in a social situation, would it behoove him to throw caution to the wind and scream out loud at her? That would seem to be the stance of those who are offended by a new Dos Equis ad which carries the headline, "Approach women like you do wild animals, With caution and a soothing voice."
Writing in AdWeek/AdFreak (it's kind of hard to tell the difference these days), David Gianatasio said the ad "not only offends women but adds an extra layer of insult by showing the world's least interesting Great White Colonial Man swaggering around in the brush with a pair of tribesmen at his side."
We beg to differ, David. A healthy dose of caution and soothing suavity is always advised when approaching women. After all, men certainly don't want to risk getting their head bitten off, a suffering which, sadly, is perpetrated upon men by women far too often.
Better safe than sorry. Always good advice in our book when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.