The Sexiest Ads of 2011
Every year between Christmas and New Year's we sit down to take on the daunting task of compiling a list of the hottest, raciest, sexiest ads of the year and offer up a year-end advertising-fueled orgasm of epic proportion. So sit back, relax and get ready to be, well, entertained as it were.
If you've never heard of Justine Jaro, we guarantee you will seek her out after you marvel at the use of her pulchritudinous boobs to sell jeans or, along with her equally hot sister, Dawn, engage in every conceivable porn cliche from the feathery pillow fight (while wearing lingerie, of course) to hand bra poses atop a skyline to pleated, plaid, miniskirt school girl antics to frolicking in bed to the liquor facial to alluring candy chewing to the gratuitous booty shot to hairbrush singing. OK? Caught your breath? Ready to move on?
Delivering an entirely different sort of come hither sexiness is Keira Knightely who, after applying her Coco Chanel, hops on a motorcycle and heads over to her photographer's place. She then proceeds to tease, entice and lead him on only to, well, get up and leave. No that's just plain mean, Keira!
In the Coco Chanel ad, Keira was in complete control. In this Lynx Excite Fallen Angel commercial, Kelly Brook is far from in control. In fact she is in dire need of exactly what the photographer above needed. Yes. It seems Brook was left behind when the rest of the angels fell to earth to find their men. Left behind. Left writhing in a state of perpetual, hyper sexualized ecstasy. Pent up with explosive desire because she hasn't found her match. A match who can offer her much needed release from all her unrealized desire. Desire so powerful it causes her to moan with wanton abandon from the clouds above. Desire which brings her to the edge of nirvana but refuses to deliver. Desire which, if not given the chance to release itself in a flood of orgasmic delight could very well cause the world to end as we know it. OK. We'll wait. Go ahead. Check your blood pressure. All good? Good. Let's move on.
In the category of sexualized weirdness, we have The Sun Page Three girl Rhian Sugden discussing the importance of checking oneself for testicular cancer. In a jarringly graphic manner. In an equally weird ad Zahia Dehar who, last year, was well known as a then underage call girl who slept with French footballer Frank Ribery who, at the time, was fronting a Nike campaign. Attempting, perhaps, to redeem herself, Dehar can be seen flaunting her steamy sensuality and stunningly jigglicious ass in front of...a large black cat head. Yea. Just watch it. And be sure to cath the animated gif of her jiggliciousness.
Oh wait. We're not done with weird yet. We can't cover the sexiest ads of the year without mention of the ever reliable Agent Provocateur which turned an an innocent woman into a zombie-like Stepford wife. Or including at least one attempt at being creative for creativity's sake from a bunch of design-y designers who had a little fun taunting us with this seemingly virginal encounter which turned out to be something unexpectedly different.
Aerie, the retail outlet where 15 year old girls go to buy lingerie so they can seduce 25 year old guys into taking them out on dates, introduced a bra named Drew. Coupling that parents' nightmare with the seemingly long-held belief a girl's breasts can never be too big, aerie would like the ladies to meet Drew, a new push up bra that can add two cup sizes and insure they get a "double whoa" when all the boys leer at their suddenly cavernous cleavage. Yes, parents. This is what your 15 year olf is buying at the mall.
Some say Megan Fox is hot. Others think she's not. Either way, the woman can quite often be seen using her ass to garner fame and fortune. Just look at her in the Transformers movies, especially the first one. She hooked up with Emporio Armani and has teased modeling the brand's lingerie, driven a hotel bellman mad with desire by changing in front of him. And early this year she showed off her tattoos clad only in a pair of Armani jeans painted on her curvaceous ass. Yes. For Fox it's all about the ass.
Along the lines of fashion brands using celebrities an hot models to shill their wares, Calvin Klein grabbed Lara Stone and had her engage in a bit of exhibitionist dance floor sex. In the middle of the ad Stone engulfs a man's head with her bulging breasts as the music pulses and the epileptic quick cuts intensify the mood. This is how Calvin Klein sells a fragrance. Of course, this is no surprise. After all, this is the brand that sexualized a 15 year old Brooke Shields to sell jeans back in the eighties.
Already on the list once so far this year, Lynx delivered three more entries into the Gratuitous Use of Hot Women to Sell Fragrance to Adolescent Boys book of marketing. First, they came up with what can only be described as the sexiest description of rugby. Second, they placed a couple of boy-bashing bimbos in a bubble bath and had them prattle on about how men can be "dozy" and "forget to put sugar in your tea" all to call attention to Lynx Rise, their shower gel brand with the witty name, Lynx Rise. And let's not forget their epic attempt to break the record fo the most people taking a shower together. Following in the footsteps of their own Billion Bikini Babes, the brand gathered together a collection of busty bikini babes who bounced their way down the beach towards a giant shower.
OK, how are you doing so far? Do you need a break? A rest? Some relief? OK, go get what you need and come right back. There's a lot more to cover here. OK? All good? Let's move on to the ever present Tehmeena Afzal. The woman, whose real job is selling cars in New York, exploded onto the scene a couple years ago and can be seen just about everywhere now. She's a big sports fan and has done a couple of super hot videos for the New York Knicks and the New York Mets. Tehmeena and her considerably large breasts are put to good use calling attention to a couple of New York's finest sports establishments. Give them a look. We guarantee you'll enjoy.
You've gotta love the new-found freedom the Russians have expressed over the past few years and, especially, how its made its way into advertising. Of course, it was totally predictable. You see, the easiest way to make a splash with anything you do is to...wait for it...employ a scantily clad woman. And that's exactly what the Russians have recently done in much of their advertising including in this ad for a fruit drink. Nothing all that special about using a bikini-clad woman to sell juice, right? Well add in a shot gun and things get a little more interesting. And weird. And strange. But this is Russia. They';re just getting their feet wet and the process is producing some enjoyably weird work.
Equally strange is this work Club La Senza which turns the tables on the notion nudist beach goers are old, gross and disgustingly wrinkly. Interrupting their peaceful day on the beach, the nude sun bathers in this ad are rudely displaced by...a bevy of bodacious beauties who emerge from the water and - to the horror of the nudists - have clothes on! Oh the horror of it all! Well thank goodness the clothes are just tiny little bikinis and the women wearing them are smoking hot, Because, well, you know that just makes everything alright.
Poking fun at the celebrity crotch shot thing made famous by the folks over at TMZ and Perez Hilton, Agent Provocateur features Paz De La Huerta blatantly exposing her nether regions. Of course, she's not nude and there are no crotch shots. The intended message here is that accidents do happen. Your tight, short skirt will hike up and your crotch will be exposed. Your low cut top will reveal your cleavage. That slit in your evening gown will separate allowing for a view much further up the leg than intended. But...if you wear Agent Provocateur undergarments, your dignity will be preserved. Well, as much as flashing your lingerie can preserve your dignity.
Sticking with Agent Provocateur for a moment, we have a quiz for you. What do you get when you combine the sexy girlfriend of British musician with a peeping Tom motif? A promotion for Agency Provocateur lingerie, of course! And that's exactly what we have here. Josephine de la Baume, girlfriend of musician Mark Ronson, was voyeristically filmed through the window of an apartment undressing and prancing around in her undergarments. And it's so realistic! Every woman walks around her apartment in her underwear with the window blinds up, right? Well, we actually do know one woman who walks around her apartment in lingerie and high heels. But at least she leaves her blinds closed.
If there's anything that can be said about lingerie ads, it's this. There's a formula. And we're going to share it with you. It's simple really. Grab a skinny model who has big boobs. Dress her in your slinkiest offerings. And film her in motion. But...make sure you film her in slow motion. That's the real secret. That way the camera can slowly glide over every inch of her curvaceous hotness. And the viewer can truly appreciate the beauty of bouncing breasts and jiggling ass. In. Slow. Motion. Of course, Calvin Klein didn't follow all these rules for its Naked Glamour shoot with Lara Stone but they did OK. We aren't complaining.
In the Good God This Girl Is Hot category, we have a Skechers ad that takes sneaker sexification to new heights. If Footlocker can claim its shoes give you an orgasm, Skechers can claim its shoes can make you hot looking and tone your ass to perfection. In this ad, we have Skechers girl Eleanor Wells dancing around her apartment in a tight top and short shorts that are so short her ass cheeks hang out. We just wish the Adrants interns would dance for us like this once in a while.
Is it really any wonder most of the sexiest ads of the year are from lingerie brands? No. Of course it isn't. Lingerie, by definition, is sexy. And with the primary purpose of lingerie to make a women look and feel sexier, it makes all the sense in the world ads for lingerie brands would do that same. We'd venture to say there aren't too many women who would feel comfortable walking around in public in their lingerie. B ut if you wear Blush lingerie, you can apparently take over France with your head-turning hotness.
When you're enjoying a lazy weekend day in the park and you are graced by the presence of a stunning looking woman in workout gear who proceeds to bend over right in front of you to engage in a bit of stretching, you figure your day is gold, right? Well what would you label your day if the woman turned around, placed Zip Earz ear buds in her ears and began to gyrate her breasts up and down to the sound of the music? We think the word heaven might come into play.
If there's one thing that defines gyrating bootyliciousness it's the Club Seat dancers. Club Seat, a promotional entity of Volkswagen Group UK which hosts special events around the globe, has an army of bikini-clad dancers it unleashes upon the volleyball-watching crowds presumably to entertain them between matches. Remember the rules we mention above for creating a sexy lingerie ad? They can also be applied to automotive brand offshoots. This Club Seat shoot takes full advantage of the slow motion technique allowing one to revel in the drool-worthy powers of a jiggliciously gyrating ass.
Shall we wrap up? Have you had enough? We're almost done. We have a few quickies to leave you with. This one from Incanto lingerie obeys all the rules. Hot chicks? Check. Slow motion videography? Check. Close up shots of the "do me" look? Check. Catwalk prance? Check. Windblown hair? Check? Overuse of strobe lights and flash? Check. Pulsating soundtrack? Check. Booty shots? Check. Cleavage shots? Check.
And we can't have a sexy ads round up without the deliciously curvaceous Bar Rafaeli. Or the placement of a hot model in the middle of the woods...on a toilet. Or ice cream. Because, as everyone knows eating ice cream is super hot. So hot it will melt your clothes right off you!
That's it. Now get back to work before your boss catches you goofing off! Or worse, staring off into space fantasizing about being in a commercial with one of the aforementioned hotties. Get to work!