Army, Ad Council Push Merits of Education with Badly Written Manifesto

The Army/Ad Council Boost Up effort skyrockets in our ratings of deserved abuse with this awkwardly-phrased, melodramatic, grammatically awful and typo-ridden explanation for Boost Up's mission.

We're sure they're sincere in suggesting that inside every one of us is a graduate. But clearly a high school graduate does not a good editor make. Well, guess that's what the military - er, college - is for.

French Tree Huggers Make Light of 9/11

If memory serves, after 9/11, wasn't it the French who sort of dragged their feet and made things difficult for the countries trying to tally together against Bin Laden? If so, that might explain this ad for French tree hugger site Defi Pour La Terre which thought it would be witty to transform the image of two trees into the twin towers burning on that fateful day. All to somehow equate the value of a tree to the value of a human life.

We not sure any amount of time passed makes this sort of thing OK. Then again, we're American. We knew people on Flight 93. The French? Well, perhaps they didn't know anyone who died that day or just feel Americans can't keep their hands out of other countries' issues. While the latter may be true, mocking a world event such as 9/11, at least for now, is still in very bad taste. And the French are supposed to know about taste, right?

Mr. Peanut Sings Deceitful Tune, Stuffs Ballots

We've never been huge fans but Mr. Peanut gets just due for being a longtime symbol of good clean fun in a mixed nuts can. That's why we're sad to be the ones to tell you how easily the 'Nut's integrity can be compromised.

Word on the street is Kraft had Draft FCB run an online vote to freshen up the Mr. Peanut look. Small changes: pocket watch, yea or nay? Cuff links, too Chippendale? But apparently Kraft had a panic attack and made everyone in the Company and at Draft stuff the ballot to ensure Mr. Peanut remains the same stodgy, phallic eyepiece-porting womper he's always been.

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Idiotic Medium 3,762: Airport Security Bin Advertising

And, we're back! Yes, my friends, the Disney vacation is now, sadly, in the rear view mirror but the rejuvenation that vacation provided was much needed. As we get back into gear here (not that we were ever out of gear with co-editor Angela providing you musings on a daily basis), how apropos it is we stumble across The Silly Girl's mention of airport security bin advertising. Just when you thought every available ad space has been taken (now there's a sentence that's been written here many, many times), ads will now appear on those gray bins you toss all your stuff in as you pass through airport security.

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Crispin Plays at Necromancy for Popcorn King

We don't know what to say about this creepy iPod-wielding Orville Redenbacher resurrection except that we're horrified, and popcorn won't console us. To add insult to injury, it's also badly taped and executed in a manner most shitty.

Turning a childhood icon into a twitchy zombie is the air fluffed foodstuff of nightmares.

Thank Crispin for this work when you're done being paralyzed by fear.

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Panasonic Makes Crappy Ad, Calls It a Viral

You'd think in a medium made largely successful by teens recording themselves dancing in their rooms or ghostriding the whip, that major brands would naturally thrive. But this wannabe viral for Panasonic Viera's He Didn't See That Coming campaign reminds us all how they fail again and again.

You can't use corny ad shticks, remake them on a shoestring budget and call it viral media. And what are we - five? We're supposed to laugh at a fat guy covered in elephant jizz? Ha ha. No.

Way to sell a Viera, guys. Oh, and that spit-polished website at your guerilla campaign URL? Nice touch.

OJ Coquettish About Details in Non-Confession Confession

We're amazed by how the Patriot Act has affected every one of our rights except protection from double jeopardy, which remains Simpson's ongoing joke on a rubbernecking nation.

It was only a matter of time before the definitive chapter of his botched If I Did It... book leaked to the press. Our favourite part of what he would have done (if he did it) was the end: "Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can't tell you exactly how."

Laughter. And the smacking of gloved hands.

Read the rest of the chapter summary here.

Zvue Peddles Handheld with Foot in Mouth - Er, Feet for Hands

For Zvue, makers of handheld whatever-the-fucks, indy SF-based agency BuderEngel and Friends throw together a hopeful viral called Feet for Hands. They warned us first that there wasn't much cash in the deal but no amount of money can compensate us for the embarrassment we suffered having to sit through this story of a man with boots for hands dancing to "Look Out Weekend."

Of course the agency says it's doing well so what do we know? - Contributed by Angela Natividad

Sony Takes It Up the Ass For Fake Blog

OK. We'll say this one more time. Are all you marketers listening? Good. There's a big difference between a teaser campaign and one that maliciously hides it's purpose for long periods of time. And, on top of that, denies its true mission when it's found out. What the hell are we talking about? Take, for example, the teaser billboard. It's usually some irreverent play on words and witty imagery that's then reveled to be part of a larger campaign a couple weeks later. Now take fake blogs. You've heard of them. Edelman knows all about them. They are the things marketers seem to think are the holy grail of this new social media thing. Let's get down with our customers. Let's "join the conversation." Trouble is, a fake blog - one that pretends (badly) to be all hip hop on our ass - is like an idiot that shows up at a black tie event wearing American Eagle cargo shorts and a t-shirt. The natural reaction to that is, "Who the fuck is that idiot?"

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Deft's Leaping Rudolph Game Lacks Pep. But Merry Christmas.

Deft Creative Ltd.'s, awkwardly sloganed "Dexterous of hand and inventive of mind," demonstrates neither dexterity (though they try) nor inventiveness (no effort here) with this dull leaping-Rudolph ski game. The object is to beat the furthest leap and we're ensured by the agency guy that "All scores on the score board ARE beatable." Glad he made the effort to bang that in because otherwise we were going to lose sleep over it.

The game is tricky in that it involves holding down your left mouse button and releasing when you feel Rudolph has built enough momentum. Then you let loose and do it all over again. It's a cross between the high school pole jump and a Friday night spent half-heartedly masturbating. - Contributed by Angela Natividad