Ads:
- Boobs too big? Trouble sleeping while their spilling all over the place? Kush has the answer to that weighty issue.
- Want to watch the world's worst commercial? Here it is.
- ScratchIT. Go ahead. Scratch it. Really. Microsoft wants you to scratch it. S go on. Give it a scratch.
- Creative production company Stardust Studios is out with a new website. Founder/CD Jake Banks said, "Compared with our previous version, this site focuses more on movement and functionality, and aims to give visitors a unique visual experience that will heighten the creativity in each spot we present."
- Black Eyes Peas promote their new album...only at Target. Sell out? Just the way of things?
- BK's Super Seven Incher gets a blow job.
OK, so last week we kinda trashed the journalistic efforts others have planned for Cannes this week tossing them off as overly trendy or lazy. Of course, it was in jest and of course you knew that.
But now it's time for us to stand behind one of our fellow media outlets, Adland, which, in a very non-lazy/non-trendy fashion, had planned to offer video commentary of the week for its readers. Adland's Ask Wappling had asked a friend and former copywriter to be her cameraman and that's where the douchebaggery started.
Because her chosen cameraman was a former copywriter, the organizers of Cannes seem to think he's trying to sneak in for a free ride as a copywriter and not as a cameraman for Ask. That's just retar...oh wait, we can't use that word, right? Anyway, that's just idiotic.
If anyone here has any clout with the organizer's, can you please deliver them a swift slap upside the head and tell them to stop being such idiots? Thank you very much.
Seriously? We thought we'd never have to say this again. Really, we did. After Agency.com's Subway video debacle, we hoped an important lesson was learned by ad agencies in the business. Apparently not so we'll say it again:
"Attention ad agencies. Don't DON'T. DO NOT DO THIS. Do not create a video where you publicly masturbate, backslap and attempt to hipify yourself with viral goodness in front of the industry all in the name of cool factor and winning new business."
And do not ever compare your work (before it's even had a chance) to classics by telling us "It's right up there (in my opinion) with 'Truth in Advertising' and 'When I grow up I want to be in advertising.' Doing so just sets you up for failure.
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"Hi, honey, welcome to Coca-Cola Zero Headquarters."
We give you possible.cokezero.com, Coke Zero's sad attempt to compete with Pepsi Max -- "The diet drink for men!" -- for the waist-watching XY vote.
Gonna side with @BranislavPeric on this one: the execution is clean, with hardly any laggage and a nice flow from video intro to engagement tools; but there's nothing remotely Coca-Cola about it. It's a cheap silicon-enhanced take on a brand that's supposed to feel perpetually familiar, family-friendly, feel-good and G-rated for the most part.
Girl-on-girl intro-to-porn vibe and ditzy platitudes like "honey" aside, the tackiest part of the presentation is the loading period preceding the interactive environment. After you select an activity at digital Headquarters, you get the pleasure of watching the pelvises of both hostesses sway slowly in the background.
Thank North Kingdom when you're done rubbing the grease off your monitor.
30Rock's Jane Krakowski appears in this tacky ravaging of Gone with the Wind for Breyer's ice cream.
And while we can appreciate the seamless integration of a contemporary (if hardly worthy) Scarlett O'Hara, it disgusts us to no end when she puts on the Southern simper and weds her crappy girls-night-out-fantasy dialogue to Rhett's timeless hot/cold leading man ditties.
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We're all for diversity but not when it becomes forced efforts both in real life and in Photoshop hack jobs like this cover of Toronto-based Fun Guide. You can't fake diversity which is exactly what the magazine did when it chop shopped a perfectly decent, racially-nebulous photograph of a family for its cover.
Nope. We need a black man, stat!
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We love contextual advertising. What? You think we're down on it because we always make fun of it? Well...you'd be right. But that's the point of it all. What would we do without the occasional contextual corrigendum?
Especially less than humorous ones that marry "fun between your legs" and rape.
It's with relief that we can say successful online videos have evolved from the astroturf amateur days.
But Samsung must've been sick when that memo went out -- it's still stuck on that low-budget "Is it real? Can't be!" crap.
In its latest online effort, "Awesome computer comes to life," a woman at a trade show stops by the booth for Samsung's new mini-Notebook, the N310. Two Notebooks, side by side, boast the two lamest faux features imaginable: some kind of hologram effect, and the ability to give life to mischievous putty people.
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Quiznos hooked (oh no they di'nt!) up with Playboy to riff on the disgusting "2 Girls 1 Cup" thing. While Quiznos has reportedly denied any involvement with this production, we can't help but wonder just how many people over at Quiznos are loving (even hoping) this thing gets as much exposure as it's getting. We still think there's some shenanigans going on here.
In the ad, two women in bikinis sit on a bench. One is enjoying a Quiznos sub as the other looks on. In fact she's enjoying it so much she can't quite contain herself. Happy to share the pleasure, she hands the sub to the other who can't get it into her mouth fast enough.
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How best to commemorate the trendiest American icon today? With another American icon: the Chia pet.
"Your Chia Obama is a symbol of liberty. Opportunity. Prosperity. Hope."
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