In an attempt to stay relevant post-Jared, Subway unveils Fresh Buzz, which houses a bunch of marginal stars that could use a sex tape career boost, and something called the fit evolution.
A diagram suggests that after discovering french fries and cheeseburgers man got progressively fatter and fatter until discovering Subway Fresh Fit.
We're doubting the veracity of that claim because a recent rerun of South Park not-so-quietly divulges that Jared didn't just get skinny with sandwiches, he got skinny with aides. Fitness aides, that is. Does the fit evolution come with aides? No? Then sorry, Subway. Until the day you can give us the aides we need to get fit like Jared alongside your sandwiches, you're just another chain telling sweet lies.
Not to be outdone by the iPhone, Nokia has launched Great Pockets, a site that creates an entire line of fashion with special pockets just to carry the burgeoning supply of digital devices we all use on a daily basis. Of course, the fashion are horrible and after a bit, you are whisked to another site that sings the glory of the Nokia N95, an iPhone wannabe that's a phone, mp3 player, gps, camera and video cam all rolled into one. It's entirely unsexy compared to the iPhone but Nokia's always made things that work quite well...and with more than one service provider. If you choose the N95, you won't be as cool as your iPhone toting hipsters but you might have a bit more cash in your pocket and a little more flexibility.
If you ever saw the movie, Goonies, and just couldn't get enough of it, now, courtesy of Jeep, BBDO Detroit and Fuel Industries, you can relive all that eighties adventure goodness in the form on an online game called Return to Astoria. There's even a trailer for the game. We're told Goonies are timeless. We wouldn't know. We can't even remember watching the movie.
Aside from maybe the coffee, we can't really think of a reason why a visit to McDonald's is necessarily an activity that will help you wake up and face the day. Well, other then the fact you have to actually be awake to go to a McDonald's but let's not get bogged down in the details. One would assume a nice big, greasy, artery-clogging McDonald's breakfast would make you sleepy and want to crawl back into bed or, more likely, barf but McDonald's, with it's Moroch Partners-created Morning Impaired site thinks otherwise.
PETA posts an article on the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, comparing the organization to her influence in a way that kind of makes sense but isn't immediately obvious to the casual observer: "We always thought that Anna Nicole was a perfect fit for PETA because, just like us, she not only hated cruelty to animals but also couldn't be ignored and because, no matter what people thought of her, they always had an opinion one way or another."
Touching stuff. To solidify the comparison, both were pretty good at performing stripteases for selected audiences.
There's a running Ebay sale for a Dodge Neon covered in over 1500 Pokemon cards from both the first and second generation. With a bid over $600 and seven days left running, we think the guys that did it have a decent chance of meeting their $7000 reserve, particularly if the sip and click trend keeps claiming victims.
"Just think about it," says Hypothetical Drunk Friend #1. "Can't you imagine how fucking awesome it would be to have a Pokemon car? When will we ever have this chance again?!"
"You're right!" exclaims Hypothetical Drunk Friend #2. "There's only 5 minutes left on the auction. Let's do this."
Auction end is met with hysterical giggles. Until the next morning.
Dun dun duuuuun.
It was just a matter of time before Borat got pinned a victim for his masochistic hairstyle but it turns out his case may be bigger than that, depending on whether you value the right to good hair over freedom of speech.
An annual human rights report released by Condy Rice criticizes the real Kazakhstan, listing relevant examples of human rights victims and including fictional character Borat, the woman-bashing, Jew-spooked Kazakh reporter invented by Jewish comedian Sacha Baron Cohen.
It's unsurprising Borat's come across some trouble considering the president isn't too keen on Cohen's charming rendition of Kazakhstan as racist, superstitious and misogynistic. The decision to pull Borat's website, Borat.KZ, is ceremoniously noted in the report: "The government deemed as offensive the content of a satirical site controlled by British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen and revoked the .kz domain."
We think it's sweet that the country has risen to Borat's defense. If we're going to chuck dirt at all our international friends anyway we might as well stop pretending it's for a good reason and go on righteously rallying for fictional characters.
Humbert Humbert had it rough too. Who wants to throw the rock at Mother Russia?
While it might be fun to watch and video tape your roommate's hot girlfriend strip down to her underwear, we're not sure it would be equally as enjoyable to watch and video tape your roommate strip down to his underwear and make out with his girlfriend while you watch. Oh wait. Sorry. Some people like that voyeuristic stuff. And, apparently, so does Network2, a destination for episodic web productions not destined or television but for your computer screen. A promotional video, created by Keta Keta, illustrates exactly what we're talking about.
Remember that weird You are Music thing Nokia did, the thing with the bodysuit guy and the rapper? To push the N800 internet tablet, Sweden's FarFar brings us more weird, somewhat off-putting work with The Internet Walk, which plays on the notion of taking the internet to places it's never been.
Sounds like a good idea in theory but we don't get this at all. And now we can't get the annoyingly lyrical "Come on" out of our heads.
In a liaison that appears strange at first glance, Lay's potato chips joins nationally syndicated series HomeTeam in fueling the fantasies of starry-eyed virgin homeowners. Lays.com will feature moments of joy from past and upcoming episodes. The show is hosted by former Apprentice star Troy McClain.
A good if unlikely liaison. We're pretty sure that the consumption of chips on a couch of one's own is a fantasy every American has when constructing that imaginary white picket fence.