We hate the (Red) campaign.
But it doesn't matter what we think, because it marches on for reasons beyond the realms of human understanding. You really can get people to buy crap products if you promise X percent of $X will "support four months" of antiretroviral medication to an unspecified number of AIDS patients somewhere in Africa.
Who? Where? What is antiretroviral medication?
Is Bono really this powerful?
We were casually perusing the FAO Schwarz website when we came across the Barbie section. This should be fun, we thought. Then we found Barbie and Miss Honey in Hollywood and went into WTF! mode.
What kind of woman -- even a woman made of plastic -- names her dog Miss Honey?
Come to think of it, probably the same kind of woman that would name her dog Tinkerbell.
Remember the repugnance that was All You Need is Luvs? Get a load of "All you need is hub," courtesy of Konica Minolta for its bizhub printer/copier/scanner-majig.
Because nothing says "revolution" like a print job that doesn't fuck up your tie-dye.
To celebrate its 25th anniversary, Mattress Giant is holding a contest called the "Mattress Giant Bed Makeover." It's promoting the contest with a big yummy bed, encased in glass, on the back of a truck.
Cute. We've seen similar stuff before. If the contest accomplishes nothing else, it might attract the attention of some arrogant filthy-rich super-brat that's always wanted her own litter.
Actually, we wouldn't mind one.
We spent some time in the Philippines last week. Good news for old-school brand goliaths: free promotion is alive and well alongside freeways and in living spaces (at the same time!).
That, and offshore telesales. We're in the money now, baby.
Last week New York City unveiled its first automatic pay toilet. For $0.25 and at a limit of 15 minutes per use, you could hit a streetside loo that automatically self-cleans.
The effort to promote the APTs (as they're so trendily called) was called First Flush. The automatic public toilets were unveiled last Thursday.
"City big-wigs," as WCBS TV calls 'em, say this is "a truly historic occasion."
Bravo for progress, especially when it's in the ass-wiping arena.
Brandkeys publishes this thing called the Customer Loyalty Engagement Index. According to this year's index, Starbucks lost serious ground in '07 for forgetting what made it a big name in the first place: the coffee experience.
Who's winning the loyalty of Third Place defectors? McDonald's, which stole ground from Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts last year. To leverage its swell in traffic, the burger-and-clown franchise is opening coffee bars throughout the States, and it'll be pushing lattes, cappuccinos and frappes.
Maybe to prove there's no magic to SBUX that can't be duplicated elsewhere, McD's will be calling its coffee peddlers "baristas" and making coffee machines visible over the bar.
Hrm. We're having trouble picturing ourselves sipping macchiattos over a tile floor that smells like pee. But hey, two apple pies for $0.99? Can't beat that.
Dave and Eddy claim they've found THE GREATEST AD EVER. (And it's not that damn Volkswagen ad.) In an attic!
Visual fetishists, prepare to be disappointed. It lacks color, imagery or music to boost its emotional cred -- just 1,033 words to paint its picture. It's compelling, clever and persuasive, if you bother to read it. And it's for the Volvo! See the ad, sandwiched somewhere amidst Dave and Eddy's gushy storytelling, right here.
The chief creative officer of Euro RSCG, Chicago gets gushy about five-letter words as part of a promotional campaign for Effen Vodka.
Got a lot of time on your hands? Download the campaign PDF. Never mind the "naughty" aspect; the number of adjectives alone made us blush. (And that's saying a lot.)
As the self-proclaimed experts on reviewing racy advertising, we think the word "Effen" is about as randy as a kid calling his uncle an "a-hole" in an uncontrollable fit of rage.
To drive people into the arms of Philly, the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corporation gives us a print campaign called uwishunu ("You wish you knew" in ... hipster-language?) which, from what we can tell, is all about people trying to infiltrate Philadelphia entryways.
See variations one and two.
The tagline: "Let curiosity get the best of you."
Our curiosity is going, "What's the heroin quotient in Philly?"