Usually we think it's really cool when an ad appropriates some every day object to deliver its message, but in the case of coffee and steaming manholes, the collaboration is less than savory.
The text on this one-year-old Folger's ad reads, "Hey, City That Never Sleeps. Wake up. Folgers."
Dude, can you imagine walking over that manhole and going, "WTF is that damp dirty mist that's just accosted me? Oh wow, it is a giant cup of Folger's coffee." The very thought drives us straight into the arms of Starbucks.
Well, no, not even. Maybe Jamba Juice. The thought of coffee a la manhole just puts us off the whole idea.
[Ed: Pardon this story. Our co-Editor just woke up from a year long nap and forgot to restart her RSS reader. She was roundly chastised in our daily coffee klatch this morning and she promises not to nap so long ever again.]
We're kind of crazy about this parody site for (sic) culture's iDea, which contests the iPhone with a table napkin and an awkward pear-shaped logo sporting a bite on the "wrong" side.
Like the iPhone, it's got simplicity going for it - and like the iPhone, it can accommodate your biggest ideas, then act as a vehicle to communicate it to the rest of the world. Add-on accessories include masking tape.
As an act of goodwill, the small print divulges that the parody site was created on a Mac. That aside, we think it's less a jab to the miracle technology and more a nod to the simple things we take for granted.
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This really takes egocasting to the next level. For those who find even virtual networking a problem, Brando gives you USB Virtual Friends, which enable you to invest a little plastic buddy with all the qualities you really need in a desktop partner. Including a photo.
Far from a mere memory-logger, these dolls give you a virtual world where you are master. Give them personalities and your choice of over 100 preprogrammed dialogues for communication.
Available in Virtual Boyfriend, Virtual Girlfriend ($17, respectively) or sets ($30).
For ever-struggling K-Mart, Rhinofx created the hopelessly lovable Mr. Blue Light, whose earnest eyes only promise to draw pity and a start of anxiety, the way you feel when in the presence of an imaginary friend whose death is just around the corner. (We have been the crying-shoulder for many broken dreams.)
Our earnest friend will appear in ad spots and stores - and then, we're sure, disappear into the unregulated chaos of K-Mart just as quickly. He just looks too weak to save the monster that is K-Mart's suckiness, man.
Observe his lame attempts at smooth jokes at a KMart runway show.
We hardly recognize the McDonalds we've come to know so well in this stop motion ad by DDB, Chicago and production company Vitamin.
Stop motion is, like, the new sex (Lux best demonstrates: 1, 2). Gotta say, the method that helps make soap sexy can also do wonders with McD's.
The only question is, can the crisp and health-savvy ad get rid of the perpetual moisture that seems to plague the restaurant's floor? Or the square-shaped eggs in the breakfast sandwiches that betray utter non-freshness? Or the unhappy-looking, sickly-colored cheese? Or the flat and unimpressive non-meat-tasting patties?
Like hook-ups on MySpace, McDs runs the risk of traumatizing the ad-charmed with its actual appearance.
We're not completely sure how we feel about this Mr. Potato Head Optimash Prime (an undoubtedly subtle plug for the upcoming Transformers movie), but it's somewhere between "OMG OMG!!!1111111" and "Dude, I think I actually need one of those."
Nice one, Hasbro. Nice.
For Weta Workshops, which makes action figures and other collectible props for movies and stuff, New Zealand's Touch/Case Next gives us SteamPunk ray guns.
And best of all, the ray guns are real (if not really deadly, at least really for sale). Models like the ManMelter 3600ZX and the FMOM INDUSTRIES Wave Disrupter are "constructed from metal with some glass parts," and only 500 of each is being manufactured.
Tell us that doesn't bring your lawn dart-loving '80s baby out to play, and we will glower at you in disdain.
For our own purposes, the Goliathon 83 dissolves seven-ninths of an elephant in 10 earth seconds. We could really use that kind of power whilst standing in line at the post office.
That Cocaine energy drink that's been getting heat is finally dropping off the face of the earth. Redux Beverages has agreed to change the name of the drink, which they claim they originally chose to assuage cocaine use, not encourage it.
We originally thought pushing a drink called Cocaine was stupid but have since changed our minds after tasting it during a frenzied all-nighter.
Cocaine tastes good. And it's got this really awesome vivid pink colour that practically glows in the dark. Our only qualm? It burns the crap out of your throat. Really. Like, two cans in and you don't have a voice box.
We became particularly attached to Cut Cocaine, the, uh, less intense alternative of the alternative. It's supposed to make the burn less potent. (It does, but a burn remains.)
It probably goes without saying that Cocaine's marketing was courting trouble. In any event, we wanted to take this time to say good-bye to our brief but pleasant Cocaine binge. You walked us through some hard times and kept us alert when nothing else would.
We doubt we'll see you again, under this name or otherwise, because come on - if Enron changed its name, it'd still be Enron.
Back to that other expensive habit: gratuitous espresso abuse.
How much do you love your carbonated sperm-killing cola of choice?
Enough to turn it into body art? Mountain Dew and agency Seed Gives Life hope so.
By implication, anyway. A new campaign called Green Label Art is promoting a series of limited-edition Mountain Dew bottles, inspired by tat culture. See video.
Rumour has it a local burger joint whose name escapes us conducted a campaign in which people were invited to tattoo their logo somewhere on their bodies in exchange for free food for life. In just a few months so many people called the bluff that the campaign had to end.
Sucks for those who didn't cash in. Well, a memory's worth a thousand ice-breaking conversations, isn't it?
Meet HI NRG, a vodka-based energy drink whose campaign site Dance Responsibly features three videos that have captured violations of our sensory rights.
Inspired by the self-policing "drink responsibly" sash alcohol brands are so fond of wearing, HI NRG claims to give you so much energy that it too must be had responsibly. Lest you diverge, the stern dance police will (you hope, we're sure) whip you back into shape.
And because it wouldn't be a legit marketing strategy without one, the site also features a CGM campaign for $3,000, almost a third lower than the going bedroom-dancing rate of $10,000, a figure that seems to fall out of CGM coffers like candy out of a big fat pinata.
Because neither the pleather-porting sex kitten cops nor the dance-themed campaign were enough of a back-decade rip-off, the drink had to call itself HI NRG too.
The campaign was put together by Kojo Interactive. We really can't think of a more devastating attempt to manifest the 90s. Wait, Alicia Silverstone just turned the corner.
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