After 20 years of riding its existing array of brands, Mars introduces a new candy bar: the Fling, a skinny, "shimmering" (wait, what?) 85-calorie chocolate "finger" whose packaging is hot pink and whose creative invites you to "pleasure yourself."
Just not beyond a PG-13 rating. We just watched the first-ever ad, the first 15 seconds of which gave us that embarrassed schoolgirl flush: two pairs of legs in a dressing room, making motions and noises as if they're doing The Do.
The camera pans over the tops of the rooms, revealing the frisky couple is not a couple at all. The man is in a separate room, grunting as he struggles with clothing that's two sizes too small; and the woman, who's finished shimmying into a tiny dress, moans with quiet glee as she collapses into a seat and pleasures herself with one of Fling's, uh, fingers.
US Cellular launched a really neat program called Battery Swap. If you're on the road without a charger and your phone's dying, or your battery is just really crappy in general, visit a US Cellular store to exchange your old or uncharged battery for a new one -- at no charge.
To promote the program, Publicis & Hal Riney went diving in the generic mascot bargain bin. The result of that pursuit is a poindexterish robot character who dances and slaughters multi-generational slang
(*shakes head sadly*) How far some robots fall while others penetrate untold heights of stardom.
How best to commemorate the trendiest American icon today? With another American icon: the Chia pet.
"Your Chia Obama is a symbol of liberty. Opportunity. Prosperity. Hope."
In case you're not yet sick of Volkswagens with German accents and too many opinions, here's fresh fodder for the pile: "Carefree Maintenance," by Crispin Porter + Bogusky.
In addition to plugging a current VW model (fortified with free scheduled maintenance!), it features cameos from the classic Bug and the '63 VW bus, which sounds sort of stoned.
Whatever's clever, dude. Oh, yeah, one more thing: Heidi Klum couldn't make the shoot this time, but there's a Zoloft-enhanced man covered in motor oil, and I guess that's almost the same thing.
If the Religious Right thinks gay marriage is destroying the culture of wedlock, they're clearly not regular Bridezilla watchers, which does to marriage what My Super Sweet Sixteen did for debutante parties: make sane people extremely reluctant to have them.
The ad for Bridezilla's latest season was put together by Filter Advertising. To the soothing tune of Unforgettable, brides of all shapes and sizes throw tantrums and contort their faces into cruel shapes you couldn't even imagine exist in nature.
All for the perfect realization of that most sacred of vows.
See? This is why we should just stop taking the ceremony so seriously and all do themed weddings. That way, if everything goes horribly wrong, you'll at least have a light saber handy.
It's not often we're impressed by a tourism campaign, particularly for a state like Pennsylvania, which hasn't exactly wowed us with its past initiatives.
For PA Tourism, Red Tettemer rearranged the PA Stories effort it launched late last year. Now, instead of courting campy tales from real Pennsylvanians, "PA Stories" promotes the misadventures of one Peter Arthur, an ordinary Pennsylvanian whose two defining characteristics are a two-man scooter and his unrequited love for a red-headed waitress, who once served him some amazing shoofly pie.
If the look, feel and plotline vibe suspiciously like Garden State, we don't blame you; judging from the PR folks' eagerness to position this as an "indie love story," it was probably more than a little inspired by the slice-of-life indie film genre.
Some ideas should never see the light of day. "Making Milkshakes" is one of them.
To plug its new orange cream milkshakes, Carl's Jr. releases this mildly bestial ad in which a hipster dances around a cow and tries shaking the shit out of it. We hate him. And we don't feel thirsty in the slightest.
Brought to our attention by BL Ochman, who seemed equally repelled by the prospect of an orange milkshake after recovering from this instance of audiovisual molestation.
In "Heirloom," a somber man intercepts his son -- clearly bound for some far-off initiation to adulthood (uni? The military? The jungle?) -- to pass him something that's been in the family for generations.
Check out the molar marks on that ancient piece of Stride ("the ridiculously long-lasting gum")! Heirlooms don't get more intimate than that.
Agency: JWT/Puerto Rico.
UK moms reportedly have their panties all in a bunch because of an over-the-counter morning after pill*, Levonelle One Step, that positions itself as "The One."
See ad here. It kinda reminded us of the French AIDS ones except less raunchy -- although there were a few Kodak moments, like when the condom splits over the heads of the sleeping couple, and grinning sperm fly out like a harmless school of fish.
The tagline is simply "Levonelle One Step. The One" -- which some huffy parents argue "trivialises a very important issue" (pregnancy).
Two guys are in a car. The passenger, who's inconsiderately grubbing, mistakenly drops a McDonald's french fry between the seats, compelling the driver to turn to him with a short, harsh "Dude" -- shorthand for "You better pick that shit up and fast."
If you've ever wondered what happens to the stuff lost in motor vehicle ether, here's your chance. Spare change, ballpen caps and -- yes, mislaid fries -- become window trimmings in a universe composed of lost souls, toiling for the pleasure of a crazed, invisible god.