Umpqua's 'Lemonaire' Gives Pint-Sized Take to Burgeoning Business

We liked this would-be viral for Umpqua Bank by Creature, which showcases the travails of the budding entrepreneur from the eyes of a seven-year-old "lemonaire" who hasn't yet learned there are myriad ways in which life can maim and destroy the dreams you hold dear.

Of potential lemonade stand competitors, the little hero ambitiously opines, "I'm gonna crush them and turn them into parking lots."

We're touched.

We also like the tack Umpqua took in not putting together some gritty astroturf viral. They effectively converted an obscure brand we've seen on a couple of drab buildings into a sunshiny, fun place to teach one's kiddies about the value of money ... and interest rates.

It's worth mentioning that Jim Haven served as creative director on this spot. We'd hate on him some more but we're still pleasantly sedated by all the yellow on the Lemonaire site.

Ask Tries Hard to Go Low-Budget

Fallon, London just put together these new spots for Ask.com. They've got that VHS vibe going on and are weird, but oddly watchable. (We liked Algorithm best, probably because of the dancing.)

With the failure of Jeeves and the new face of Ask, characterized by that cryptic billboard campaign, it took us awhile to warm up to the brand's quirky new personality. The ninja effort probably helped.

What we like about the new Ask is that they manage the random humor well but don't go all left-field - all efforts serve the purpose of delivering the same, consistent message in different ways.

Smart. Why is that so hard to do?

Perry Ellis Goes Back to Beach, Confuzzles Our Fashion Sense

Fashion advertising, more so than any other form, is in the eye of the beholder. Just ask D&G. While we don't fawn over fashion mags as much as, say, Anna Wintour fawns over next season's collections but we're quite sure Perry Ellis, whose Fall 2007 press release gushes, "the legendary American fashion brand known for pushing the envelope in its seasonal advertising campaigns, is taking yet another unexpected turn..." is doing no such thing with this new print campaign.

We could be wrong. And since we don't claim to get it right all the time like Bob Garfield does, that's always a possibility but we don't think so in this case. That comic book thing from the last campaign? We never got it. Way too hipsteresque for our jaded sense of the world.

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But Alltel, Wireless Guys Aren't Geeky; They Wear Pomade, Like You

Brentter was recently sent the latest iteration of the Alltel Wireless ad series, which improves upon the earlier set by adding more geektacularity to the personalities of its wireless competitors.

We agree that the new series is better (the "we could learn to be archers" reference in this acknowledges films-gone-geeky like Lord of the Rings and Napoleon Dynamite), and the campaign's definitely drawn the roving eyes of friends seeking to change wireless plans.

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Ophelia Fancy Turns Tennis into Contact Sport

This is a little old but it begged for coverage. For tennis players who never felt the cotton polo was sufficiently breathable, lingerie brand Ophelia Fancy will help you get scandalously skimpy for the next match.

Hey, it's hard to find a decent costume that doesn't come out of a plastic Halloween tote bag. And with Ophelia covering our dress-up fetishes (with pasties!) and Hot Milk keeping expectant mothers delectably scant, there's really no excuse to go on a-porting your favorite cotton boy shorts, is there?

H&M Invades the Nearly-Obliviated Sims

Because Second Life is getting too competitive (or not), H&M goes back to where vicarious cyber-living began: the Sims, in a Fashion Stuff Expansion Pack for Sims 2.

We nearly forgot the Sims existed.

Check out H&M Sims trailer. It makes shopping almost as tiresome as it is in real life. Maybe the physical experience would be funner on a runway. Or maybe we're digging too deep and the truth is that all experiences are just funner on coke. Is there coke in Second Life?

Nestea Takes on Heat in Street Fighter-Style Combat Game

It's obviously not the real thing, but we're having fun with this new game Heat Fighter, a variation on the classic Street Fighter, created for Nestea by Lowe Roche, Toronto.

Players can be customized and the game has all the basic moves you'd expect in a fighting game, though the challengers (Solar, Cole and Mercury) don't seem super-challenging.

The little Nestea superchargers are a nice touch. We are actually kind of feening for some iced tea now.

Google Grows, Star Blows, Diorama Explodes, Pants Lost

- While the statement "more money than God" really doesn't make any sense, Google certainly has a lot of the green stuff. Recently posting its Q2 revenues of $3.8 billion, the digital giant continues to grow with a 58 percent jump from last year and a 6 percent jump from last quarter.

- In Toronto, some are not very happy the Star has begun accepting cover wraps as ad units.

- Using the word "explosion" in an airport diorama gives good reason for the rest of the world to think those of us in advertising seriously do have a screw loose.

- 50 Cent is angered over a Shoot the Rapper banner ad on MySpace which contains the likeness of him. He's suing MySpace.

- Former Deutsch Group Creative Director David Rosen has published I Just Want My Pants Back, a novel about a 25 year-old man "searching for meaning, love, a profession - and a missing pair of pants" and who is..."in need of a functional vagina."

Saatchi Follows Wendy's 'Kicking Trees' Spot With 'Hole'

We've got our hands on Saatchi & Saatchi's follow up to their Kicking Trees commercial for Wendy's which aired during the American Idol finale. This one's called Hole and it's a gleeful expression of the lemming-like acceptance people apparently have for McDonald's and Burger King's practice of leaving their burgers sitting in the window as opposed to Wendy's which, according to red pigtail guy, come sizzling off the grill.

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Food Maker's Self-Regulation Nothing More Than Foolish Fuckery

Proving there's no such thing as meaningful self-regulation in any for-profit industry, food manufacturers, following their recently introduced guidelines for advertising food with too much sugar to kids, have simply played games serving sizes to limit per-serving sugar content to the agreed upon 12 grams thereby loopoling their way past the very junk food guidelines they created for themselves.

As an example, the U.S. Food Policy blog took a look at the nutrition labels for Cocoa Puffs and Trix and determined Cocoa Puffs, the cereal with more sugar than Trix based on the government's standard 30g serving size, will be able to advertise while Trix will not. This is possible courtesy of the foolish fuckery food manufacturers deploy when it comes to serving size. At a serving size of 27g and 12g of sugar, Cocoa Puffs meets guidelines while Trix, with a 32g serving size and 13g of sugar does not.

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