Bill and Jerry: Too Quirky for Quirky Suburbia?

In installment 2 of Microsoft's avant-garde repositioning extravaganza, Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld try the simple life.

Imagine it: two rich dudes, bunking in with a family straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. It's almost like when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie lived on a farm, except more weird than entertaining.

But maybe I'm just reacting to the malicious geriatric.

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Naked, Taped Jessica Alba Wants You to Vote

There are stranger ways to encourage people to vote but this one from Declare Yourself featuring an undressed, taped up Jessica Alba -- which is somehow supposed to suggest only you can silence yourself (i.e. not vote) -- is up there on the strange list.

So are we supposed to be encourage to...rip the tape off Jessica so we can ogle her naked body? That might actually distract one from the necessary concentration required to make in informed decision when in the ballot booth.

Like clockwork, cause groups are outraged...OUTRAGED over the ad.

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Miley Cyrus Stripped, Michelob Reinvigorated, Copyranter Quits (Again)

- Copyranter calls it quits. Again. Don't worry, he'll still be writing for Animal New York, and he's open to sponsorship.

- Speaking of sponsorship, HBO whips out some wad for web celebs like lonelygirl15. The network is rounding up YouTube headliners for a web series called Hooking Up. Witness the lameness.

- Degourget doesn't like Esquire's first-ever digital magazine cover, which was sponsored by the "ugly-assed Ford Flex." The price we pay for bells and whistles.

- Clear Channel Radio hosted an event called Stripped, where artists play "stripped-down" versions of songs in a jammy "unplugged" setting. Why is this news? Because Miley Cyrus performed Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, that's why. Everything involving Miley Cyrus is news, especially when the headline reads "MILEY CYRUS STRIPPED."

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AmEx Uses Member Successes to Ignite Future Ones

American Express has this program called Members Project, which funds worthy ventures with $2.5 million. (Members vote to decide who gets the money.) Read all about it.

To promote the program, AmEx used footage from previous ads to produce a montage of famous cardholders like John Cleese, Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, Ellen Degeneres and Jim Henson.

Their achievements are presented as the fruit of childlike desires. Scorsese's "project," for example, was to "tell unforgettable stories"; Degeneres wanted to "encourage people to dance to their own tune." The premise is, these people changed the world with their passion. Got a dream? Maybe you can change it too.

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Bill Gates Divulges Microsoft's 'Moist, Chewy' Future ... to Seinfeld?

In the first ad released by Crispin Porter+Bogusky for Microsoft, Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld meet serendipitously at Shoe Circus, a Payless ShoeSource-type store. Seinfeld helps him pick out shoes. Made of pleather. Significant glances are exchanged, immigrants gawk, and churros are shared.

Thus ingratiated with one of the world's richest (and thriftiest?) men, Seinfeld poses the question we'd all ask, given the chance (and a serious case of munchies): "Are they ever gonna come up with something that'll make our computers moist and chewy like cake so we can eat 'em while we're working?"

Gates gives Seinfeld a subtle but sassy little ass-shake to denote "yes."

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German Doc Pitches Virgin OnD to Rack-Challenged Spice Girl

Aptly called "Melony B." Watch 'til the end -- there's a candy surprise.

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Olympic Medalist Nastia Liukin Scores Spokesmodel Bonanza

What's an Olympics win without a few marketing deals following the win? Olympic gymnastics gold medalist Nastia Liukin won't know because she's already gearing up for a laundry list of spokesperson gigs. She'll front Cover Girl ads, launch a line of jeans with Vanilla Star, appear on the Wheaties box and appear on Gossip Girl. Oh and she already has a deal with tween website Beaconstreetgorls.com.

Liukin has a positive outlook, saying, "Winning the Olympics can change your life, and nothing can prepare you for that. You can go with the flow and enjoy the ride." A native of Plano Texas, Liukin was born in Moscow and moved to America with her parents, who competed in the Olympics for the former Soviet Union, when she was two and a half.

More marketing deals are likely to follow and she'll be hanging with Maria Sharapova during fashion week in New York at Peter Som's show.

Hannah Montana's Gummy Gear Could Be Mistaken for Penises

"Why in hell do people still try to make candy in potentially phallic-looking shapes? You'd think they would have learned by now....."

It's definitely a mystery worth pondering. Adrants reader Candace sent over this rawkin' shot of Hannah Montana's Concert Candy. The packaging features our Lolita du jour holding a mic up to her mouth while a giant gummy guitar comes at her from the left.

"Guitar and microphone shapes!" the package boasts, but that guitar doesn't look all that guitar-like, and I don't think the gummy mics will help either.

DoubleMint: The Official Gum of Candy Ravers!

Just when you thought the jingle was dead, Wrigley's broadcasts this catchy rewrite of Chris Brown's Forever for DoubleMint. Doesn't it make you wanna dust off the pink wig and bust out with some liquid?

But that's window trimmings; DoubleMint's also improved its value add. In addition to chew factor, it apparently also:

- doubles as a hacky sack!
- leaves a comet trail!
- comes in slimmer, sexier packaging!

And here we were thinking the brand was a one-trick pony.

Timberlake Uses William Rast to Explore Throbbing Redneck Fantasy

Walking in the footsteps of Jay-Z and Nelly, Justin Timberlake is backing a line of expensive but delightfully ass-perking denim wear: William Rast, launched in partnership with Trace Ayala. (The brand is a combination of their grandfathers' first names.)

I haven't seen any TV ads, but the site's hosting trailers about the life of fictional character William Rast, played by Justin Timberlake. Mostly he's seizing the opportunity to forget shaving, play with make-up and explore self-fellating videocam angles. Oddly (or not so much), they made me think of Tila Tequila's video blog.

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