In this article, CNBC writer Darren Rovell uses convoluted logic to ask what consumers, in their childlike naivete, are supposed to extract from relationships between athletes and the brands that sponsor them. (And their trainers. And their trainers' websites.)
Here's the puzzle the column poses: say you're a kid, and you want to be the next LaDainian Tomlinson. Tomlinson is part of Nike's SPARQ training program. He also wears Nikes on the field. But Todd Durkin, Tomlinson's trainer, has a website sponsored by Under Armour.
Assuming you're wack enough to think this will fundamentally alter your destiny, what do you BUY? Nike trainers or Under Armour's? The author's so stuck on this that he's even taking a poll. (Who would you follow: athlete or trainer?)
We'd laugh this whole thing off, because it really is ridiculous, but then we got to thinking. Do sponsored associations between people and products really mean something?
Oh for fuck's sake! So a Governor had sex with a prostitute. Sex. He had sex. He didn't murder anyone, blow up a building or otherwise harm another person (as far as our limited knowledge of the man allows). He had sex. OK, he paid for it but it was still sex. Anyway, he's not Governor any more and has been endlessly shamed for his wrong doing. Rightly so, as many believe. If you don't know who we're talking about yet, you've been on another planet.
So leave it to a marketer to capitalize on the downfall of another by...offering money to place the image of Ashley Dupre/Youmans/DiPietro, the call girl that caused the downfall of the aforementioned Governor Eliot Spitzer, on the backs of buses to promote vodka. Yes, Georgi vodka wants to pay Dupre a low six figure sum to become the vodka brand's "butt girl."
These are really, really bad! No, wait, these are really, really good! No wait....damn it, we're conflicted about this new DISH Network work sent to us from Fueld (yes, that's spelled correctly) Films. In the three commercials, comedian Frank Caliendo takes on the personas of Al Pacino, Donald Trump and George Bush. He does a fairly good job but we're not sure these commercials sold us anything.
- On the outs with Nicole Richie for some time, Pars Hilton wants a new BFF and MTV has launched a new reality show to help her find one.
- DDB Barcelona brings out hand string games to somehow illustrate how its cars are built. We sure hope they're made of something stringer than string.
- Ziff Davis Media, publisher of PC Magazine among others, filed for bankruptcy citing falling print ad revenue and subscriptions as the reason.
- The Art Director's Club is holding its 6th annual Young Guns Awards. Call for entries opens April 3 and the judges consist of previous Young Guns winners.
- The Facebook application My Perfect Bedroom, created by TAMBA, lets you sex up your virtual bedroom...for you graduates of Disney's Webkinz.
- Have a little fun with the Extensis Typematching game where you can determine which typeface you are and match yourself to other typefaced (damn, there's a creative social network in that name somewhere!) people.
- Today, everyone's talking about Christvertising. We mentioned it back in December. Come on people!
- Now this billboard promoting New Zealand's premiere of American Psycho with an image of George Bush is just funny.
- HP? Goodby, Silverstein & Partners? McGarryBowen? A new CMO? Now that's a recipe for some gossip.
- Those Argentinians sure know how to orchestrate a big ass car commercial. apparently it took a crew of 170. Hmm. CGI sounds cheaper.
- Our favorite political pundit, Obama Girl, has been named by E! as the "#1 Hottest Woman on the Internet."
- Advertising Anarchy didn't like the "Bud Light" hottie on the poster in the Dell Lounge at SXSW.
- Don't miss the world's worst small business ad. Or is it the world's greatest viral for YouTube...or somebody.
- AOL is buying social networking site Bebo for $850 million. Damn! That's a steal compared to overly bloated Facebook :-)
If there's any one company that's milking (yes, they did that too) the whole sex sells thing, it's PETA. With so many of their campaigns using sex as its primary means of attracting attention, one might assume the entire staff of PETA is a bunch of nymphomaniacs. That or they are so hard up for sex, their ad campaigns are their only form of release.
So here we have retired porn star Jenna Jameson dressing up in pleather to urge S&M lovers to loose their leather and don plastic instead. Sounds good to us. Plastic would seem to do a much better job than leather at containing all those messy fluids that often go along with wearing clothes like this.
And he wants us to get some, too. O_O
Eh. Post-ElfYourself, and after Mr. T flaked for Bring Back the A-Team's reunion party, we fail to feel the oomph.
Put together by Campbell-Ewald.
Wanna see Sarah Chalke of Scrubs shake out a wedgie in public? Click on "See Sarah Shake It" at WedgieFree.com. Superfluous body-bends and orgasm faces come stock.
This isn't the first time an underwear company has used an ass-shake to push panties. See itchy actors jiggle for Jockey.
But if watching a celeb channel Shakira doesn't do it for you, WedgieFree also includes Wedgie Stories (where you can contribute and rate tales with a blush-o-meter) and Wedgie-Free Wednesdays, a contst you can enter for free undyroos.
This is part of Hanes' effort to promote its new wedgie-free panties, which look suspiciously similar to the underpants we were forced to wear before Gwen Stefani introduced us to the subtle magic of thongs. And neckties without shirts.
Ever fantasize about one-upping your boss? Forget about scoring a machine gun and leaving life in cubicletopia with a parting gift of unhinged chaos. Play Dodge the Boss instead. (For best results, do it on his or her dime.)
The game is simple but delightfully time-consuming. Use your mouse to avoid the boss-men without touching any of the sides. Dodging the boss as long as possible could land you tickets to see the sultry Kylie Minogue in Paris.
How's that for leaving the office in a blaze of glory?!
The game was disseminated by Rubber Republic and put together by Global Radio for Galaxy FM's "Love Music Love March."