Some people, like LotR aficionados, have waited most of their adult lives for their epic to hit the big screen. Others, notably Harry Potter and Narnia fans, haven't really had to suffer the bittersweet agony of waiting for some director to do justice to their literary childhood fantasia.
Our time has finally come. And it's either going to be really crappy, in which case it takes New Line Cinema down along with it, or it's going to blow our fucking minds.
The epic we're referring to is The Golden Compass, part one of a trilogy we've read at least six times. Watch the Comic Con preview for the fullest effect.
While we doubt Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman would ever let us down, we realize how stupid it is to pin all our broken dreams on an adaptation, so we are holding our emotions at arm's length.
Probably hoping to cash in on some zombified consumerism a la Target Breezeway, Philips has decided to turn 3D into a marketing tool.
And not just any marketing tool. A "fascinating, high-impact 3D experience," no glasses necessary. That blows the IMAX theatre out of the fucking water!
So if you're into the idea of watching splotchy orange stuff come racing after you, then by all means come be spellbound at the 3D WOWzone, a large 132-inch screen built to blow your mind.
The WOWzone will be making its virgin appearance at the Philips booth in Hall 22 at the IFA 2007, an earth-shattering event that takes place between August 31 and September 5 in Berlin.
This kind of thing always makes us laugh and we're never really sure why.
We're not really sure what's going on in this photo posted on Flickr by Kitanotenshi, but if it is what we think it is - a product sampler pasted to a public transport window - then WTF, man, who's really going to lick the side of a bus?
...And for the taste of fresh milk? They may as well have gone the extra mile and given us a disembodied udder to suck.
Every once in awhile you run into somebody who asks whether subcultures inspire advertising or advertising inspires subcultures. But worse than that question are the guys who actually try to find out whether they can in fact create a subculture out of astroturf.
Thus prepared, we give you Shakerboarding: the happy (?) marriage of breakdancing and advertising. The sport's headline athlete, Roto, shakerboards outside of CiCi's Pizza in order to draw customers in.
Shakerboarding and Roto were developed by Deutsch LA with the help of Feed Company, the guys responsible for Ray Ban's Never Hide campaign, which was similarly puzzling but perhaps less contrived than inventing a sport. (Unfortunately we can't all be JK Rowling.)
Check Roto out at yoroto.com.
Okay. Paying homage to a font is either acknowledging an undervalued aspect of the cultural exchange, or else very clever fucking marketing. But how many typefaces do you personally know that has its own documentary and a show at the MoMa?
Yes. We saw the latter with our own eyes. Gawk at the marvel that is the Chicago Public Library ad. Note the rakishness with which American Apparel robs Helvetica of its innocence. Observe with what candor and personality it reports the names of the Beatles.
How can one disarming typeface be so multi-faceted? We thought it was perfection in simplicity, but it might be its 80 faces.
If you are a sucker (or a decadent postmodernist or maybe just a big font-fan) of exceptional proportions, nail a double-sided Helvetica notebook. But why stop there? Helvetica would be an awesome name for your firstborn. We're sure he (or she) wouldn't hate you at all when time came to do the resume rounds or apply for college.
MySpace is pushing a promotion for Bravo's series premier of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, which looks like Tim Gunn's sad attempt to become the fashion world's version of the UK's Brian Sewell, who travels the world to say nasty things about everyone else's ancient oeuvres.
We are not convinced by his "fashion therapy" approach, but maybe it's only because he hasn't got an accent.
If a niche authority were a piece of American real estate, his or her value could increase by at least $2-$4,000 with proper use of an accent alone. Call it the personality variant of flying buttresses or vaulted ceilings.
Speaking of Jack Bauer, guess who's running for President? Maybe God is indeed with him more than with most.
The site reports that season 7 of 24, which essentially put Bauer on the map, will be taking place in Washington, DC.
We'd pass judgment on this whole thing now but it would probably be too rash before we've seen the Bauer variation of the Obama/Guiliani/Clinton/Romney girls.
Even the nobodies in this election know they've got better chances at making PotUS if they've got ass-shakers behind them. Talk about spectacle.
Maybe Hanes is a little sexier than we thought. The company has enlisted the aid of four relatively cute girls (dubbed The Comfort Force) to ask strange men to change their underpants. Clever. We do that all the time to no positive result, but then again we've never organized ourselves into a coalition.
See campaign site here.
Push the envelope further, Hanes - have said Comfort Force test the aerodynamics of your product at a local concert. We're sure small-time band geeks would appreciate having (clean) panties thrown at them.
Looking to leverage public disdain for Michael Vick? You probably can't do it any better than this triage of veterinary clinics in Ontario, Canada, which is inviting Facebook users to donate unwanted Vick paraphernalia for reuse as cage lining.
Sufficiently slashed jerseys will then be burned in some sort of ceremony. We're touched. The point is, marketers are riding Facebook like it's a new breed of horse. We'll see how long this lasts before co-eds say "fuck it" and move onto the next high.
Spam gets an increasingly bad rap - it's hard to remember that some aspects of it are nice. When it's on toast, for example.
To remind us of its merits, check out The Book of Spam, which suggestively pulsates when you hover your mouse over it. Enjoy all the necessary accoutrements of a big Spam fan, including wallpapers and videos.
And to prevent the persistent from laying more abuse on this most versatile of non-meats, ruminate instead over a new artery- and inbox-clogging buzzword: bacn.