This November 27 and 29 Fox airs the OJ-sponsored special, OJ Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. We'll tune in for the same reason you'd stop in traffic to watch a grotesque accident or drug bust - how can you not?
In two hours OJ gets to let his imagination run wild with Judith Regan (who's in charge of his book deal) over how he would have done Nicole and Ron in if - that is, if - he actually committed the murders we all know and believe our smiling football hero didn't commit.
"This is [...] the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century," says Mike Darnell, who's Fox's executive VP of alternative programming. Alternative. Yeah, that's a handy label.
Steve puts it most aptly: "Nothing like admitting guilt without admitting while admitting you're not admitting what you already did!" And if you can follow that sentence, maybe you should have been in court trying to piece Cochran out. - Contributed by Angela Natividad
Forget about getting your eyebrows to match - there are more important bushes to beat. Betty Beauty is a spankin' new do-it-yourself dye set for your betty. (Can we say for the record we think that term is lame?)
The use of "betty" was altered by Betty Beauty to signify, not a hot chick, but a hot chick's holy grail. And apparently men can be betties too because surveys reflect an unusually high number of men (and women between 60 and 85, for that matter) are tearing their products off the shelves.
So your new boyfriend - or for that matter, your grandma - might have a secret for you, and yes - it could be pink. Your world just got a little more fucked-up, didn't it? - Contributed by Angela Natividad
Because the House and the Senate weren't enough, Democrats want their own dating venue too. Democratic Match is for all the singles that have lost one too many potential mates by letting the dam break about their politics.
The site features a young couple giggling over their organic produce and it led us to wonder what a republican match site would look like. Oh wait, it looks like this.
Why do the republican couples look so bummed-out? Is the food, which seems to be a running prop, also organic? And what do they mean by "Sweethearts Not Bleeding Hearts"?! We're confused by these political love dynamics. - Contributed by Angela Natividad
While we're not going to make any connections between video game violence and real world violence, one does have to wonder what effects spending hours blowing up, shooting and mutilating video game opponents to a bloody pulp have on the human brain. Moral debates aside, two dudes and a Paris Hilton Mannequin mug for the camera in episodic videos that capture the life of the hardcore gamer strapped with inferior gaming equipment.
Be sure to not miss the obvious alternative pronunciation of "she makes me calm" in the second video or the obvious nod to another type of box in the series' name, "Two Men & A Box" Witty.
Ever wonder what happens to all those hair models who do nothing but flail their hair around in commercials to show how lush and shiny the shampoo makes the hair? Well look no further than this self-deprecating Australian commercial for nice'n easy.
We do enjoy all the inventive ambient campaigns that spring up in Europe all the time but one thing concerns us. Does anyone ever see these things? Every time we are sent a photo of the latest creation or we see it on another site, 100 percent of the time there's never more than one or two people in the vicinity of the thing. Perhaps all the photos are early morning/late day staged photos. Perhaps they're just wishful thinking with help from Photoshop. Either way, one would think the agencies behind these things would at least go to the trouble of creating the illusion or capturing the actual reality that more than one person sees these things. Someone please enlighten us.
UPDATE: Anthony from Saatchi & Saaatchi, the agency that created the campaign, gives us out answer, writing, "I work at Saatchi & Saatchi Simko in Switzerland and I worked on the project... so here is my answer: Yes this was really produced and placed in several places in Geneva. Yes people did see those and the impact and feedback from the public is great . The reason why there is not a lot of persons on the pictures is that we shot those early morning right after when it was placed."
Here's proof we'll arrive at gender equality with increased commodification of one sex, not decreased commodification of the other. For those of you with ball anxiety, check out Aussibum's Wonderjock, which boasts "ball/extension support technology" and has a wicked little logo that's got us itching for some kind of South Park reference.
The text ad that appears over our e-mail reads, New cup pouch to lift and extend. Warning - it will appear larger. Awesome. And we dig that little star-studded PATRIOT motif they've got going on.
Guess this means the sock stash will last a couple weeks longer than usual. - Contributed by Angela Natividad
Spanking and that old standby - milk poured over a woman's chest - are central elements in two ads for South African fashion brand Old Khaki. While we know we should say something pithy about this approach, for some reason we simply can't seem to come up with anything. Could we possibly be bored with this whole "sex sells" thing? Of course not. It's all about precarious positions promoting homegrown pleasure.
Advergirl, recently back from some sort of job-imposed exile, points to a direct to consumer drug commercial we can only wish to see in the United States. Free of law suit-induced medical blather ruining half the commercial, this ad tells the story of a Finnish "headplayer" who fell from fame due to headaches only to return with help from headache-reducing Pamfol 500. Much better than those four hour erection ads.
Yes, we are the first to bring you behind the scenes "stealth video" footage of Tiger Woods in a shoot for the soon to be released 2008 Buick Enclave. Our "insiders" leaked this very secretive video exclusively to Adrants only moments ago so you too could share in the glory of a spontaneous fart joke! It doesn't matter who took the Senate this week. Tiger Woods made a fart joke, "someone" videoed it and "someone" sent it to us hoping it might get some Lonelygirl15-like YouTube action.