Now we all know television ratings are complete bullshit but that has never stopped media outlets from hyping them one day and complaining about them the next. So it is without surprise the bitchiness continues to escalate as evidenced by this FOX News trade ad which touts its seven year lead with adults 25-54 while, at the same time, calling CNN and MSNBC pathetic, lame and half-baked.
The full copy in the ad reads, "* This would be where CNN & MSNBC use an asterisk in their ads to point out some half-baked on-time statistic to prove that somebody stumbled across their channels giving them a temporary spike in the ratings, which they would tout as unprecedented, earth-shattering and monumental. It's actually pathetic since we all know if they massage their statistics long enough, they can come up with something to make their lame point. But deep in their little hearts, even they know that FOX News is number one in cable and has beem for years."
Seriously. This from an actual television station. Did the entire television industry just turn into a bunch of five year olds fighting in a sandbox?
Greek mobile phone network Cosmote is promoting its social merits with "Our world is you" -- shorthand for in our world, you can do whatever you want.
The ad aims to represent "the everyday as you see it," and is supposed to be a snapshot of the world from the perspectives of different individuals.
But mostly we just felt confused. A guy walks out into an ordinary street. Suddenly there are cowboys, and a space ship -- by gad, is that a giant disembodied heart?! -- then it snows, shortly before everything dissolves into a big awesome rave.
We did the only thing we could do under the circumstances: we tore out our brains and stepped on them.
Lively stuff, though!
Agency: Bold Ogilvy. Song: anti-war hymn "I'd Love to Change the World" by Ten Years After.
And in today's weird for weird's sake, we have this commercial for Wai Wai in which fat, swollen noodles become lithe, slim...hot noodles. It's not clear, though, why the guy doesn't spend at least a few minutes enjoying the site of his lithe, slim...and hot noodles before he scarfs them down like a Suleman kid fighting for the last scrap at the dinner table.
On Friday the 13th, Warner Brothers corralled a bunch of black cats together, covered them in Fear 2 swag and let them loose in London.
The object was to catch the attention of superstitious pedestrians as they avoid sidewalk cracks and ladders and whatnot.
Nice way to get attention. From your target demo though? Ehhh.
Off-topic, is it possible to train a cat to walk in a leash? Huh. Guess so.
"Muscovites have been puzzling over a series of vaguely Warhollian posters appearing in subway stations. The 'product' being presented is called Amerikanskoye Salo, which translates to 'American Lard' or 'American Fat.'
Judging from the poster, it has several culinary uses, including chocolate-covered lard and lard drizzled with borscht."
According to Read Russia (linked above), Russian business newspaper Kommersant claims this American Lard thing is a propaganda effort by political party A Just Russia, which wants to draw attention to the sick, unhealthy interior beneath the US's tasty veneer (edible or otherwise). Others claim it might be a viral effort to promote a book, and at least one civilian believes this really is just a new food product.
"Sigh. Propaganda here used to be so simple," the author laments. Yeah, we know the feeling.
It isn't immediately clear whether the Maryland Comptroller has an ingenious sense of humor or just really low standards, but "Real Tax Payers of Genius" -- a video effort to get taxpayers to e-file -- definitely left us with a queasy "What hath YouTube wrought" sensation.
Word from a colleague: "I love how the screen says ifile ... and the voice says efile." But it was the papercut scene, and the digitally-enhanced voiceover, that stole our appetites.
We can't hate on something we so deeply pity. So hey, MD, here's some help. (And warm clammy thanks to Jack for molesting us with this audiovisual gem.)
Not completely sure what to make of this one. For pizza franchise Mr. Jim's, AdWise put together this weird ad where founder Mr. Jim goes head-to-head with "Doughby," his dough-making robot.
In the space of :30 they start randomly arguing about whether it's dough, or "the toppings and the crust!", that makes a pizza great.
But given that crust is composed of dough, and the company slogan is "It's the crust!", I guess Doughby wins. Or both win. Or maybe it doesn't matter, and we should all hit Pizza Hut for some stuffed-crust action, because that's really more our speed.
You've heard of the Snuggie, right? No? Well you're missing out on one of the coolest new fashion ever to hit the ... television in the form of a stupid infomercial. But forget about the actual infomercial and watch this parody. Did we say PARODY? Yes, we said PARODY. Get it? Parody!
Anyway, now that we've clarified that minor detail, check out the What the Fuck Blanket.
Oh how we just wanted to let this one go. Really, we did. And we thought it would just go away like every other occasional unveiling of an agency's always-embarrassing internal workings.
As idiotic, far-fetched and plain absurd as the Arnell Group Pepsi document is, anyone who's ever worked in the industry knows this brand blatherific crap is the norm when it comes to a renaming/rebranding/logo project. It's. Just. The. Way. It. Is.
We're not defending the document's overblown inanity but pick up any creative brief or major rebranding document you've ever written and read it. Then multiply the idiocy you just read by about 100 and it makes perfect sense, given the size of the Pepsi account, the Arnell/Pepsi document is as hilariously verbose and mind-boggling as it is.
- George Parker is out with his new book; The Ubiquitous Persuaders. Buy it now!
- Moo Tags. Yea, me too.
- Here are five must-have ingredients for any Steven Segal movie. It promotes the recent release of one of his DVDs. He still makes movies?
- Here's a parody of The New York Times Weekender commercial featuring Paul Rudd.
- And yes, like everyone else, we have to air Arnell Groups dirty laundry in the form of their hyper-pretentious, buzz word-happy, brand blather-filled brief for the work it did on the new Pepsi logo. Please Arnell, tell us the whole thing was a joke and you're all laughing at us now. Please?