OK. Here's some Independence Day humor...if there is such a thing:
"The Heavy Men's Network, the first premium male-focused online video network and a part of The Heavy Corporation, today announced in honor of Independence Day the creation of the IAB Supersize Me package for online advertisers--an environmentally friendly ad package with six times the firepower of standard IAB units!
Eyeblaster, AKQA and Mindblaster put their wands together to create a video widget for Nike
Football Soccer. It spans 10 countries and is supposedly one of the largest video widget campaigns EVAR. (The PR guy called it "revolutionizing.")
See widget here. Basically it streams a selection of Nike ads: watch 'em one after the other, or browse from a playlist. There are also embed options for social networks.
I'm not convinced anyone wants a video widget pre-loaded with Nike soccer spots, but given that it starts with "The Next Level" by Guy Ritchie -- which makes my brain throb -- I'm glad it default-launches on mute. Way to go, Eyeblaster.
But really, the idea behind widget technology is engaging people without them having to leave the website they're on. AKQA, couldn't you have snuck in a soccer game or some shoe-customizing awesomeness?
Gone are the days when earnest, slightly manipulative letters to the North Pole get lost in the USPS ether. Now you can join Santa's social network and hit him up whenever.
He even has a blog!
That's sweet and stuff, but the Santa I remember -- the one from Miracle on 34th St. -- wouldn't be sending repeated emails asking me to join "Santa live now." There's something freaky and subservient-chickenish about that.
If you happen to be a "..." seeking "...?", you're in luck! NYU's Career Path Express has your number.
The Career Path Express is a co-branded program between NYU and NavAgility, which I guess helps full-time students or people with families get back on the fast track to DoctorLawyerville.
If you can't fix what's broken, make it a golden calf.
In futile retaliation against users that are defecting in frustration, die-hard Twitter fans erected a site dedicated to FailWhale, the bird-borne character that appears whenever Twitter tanks.
Buy merch, add FailWhale on Twitter or join his Facebook group. Get this: the group is marked "consumer product."
When did failure become a commodity?
In response to the madness, Yiying Lu, the original designer of FailWhale, created Eve Whale. The dreamy FailWhale love interest blows little birds out of her air hole.
Earlier today I happened across this testosterone-tacular Bowflex Revolution pop-up.
I can't believe Bowflex is still around! There are so few women that would actually go for Mr. Oily Abs -- but the sight of a perennial Bowflex man turns any guy I'm with into a socially inept troglodyte.
My dad, once a self-proclaimed man of steel, used to watch Bowflex infomercials late at night and go, "When I'm old and retired, you will bring me that machine as a gift."
And because I was five and had no idea how dangerous a delusion could be, I would assent. He's still waiting for one.
"I am the Denver Egotist and I will be back on Monday ... maybe Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It depends on when I wanna kick yer ass."
In an email titled "We're coming out," the Denver Egotist sent us the above video, which reveals its identity, or at least the way it wants to be seen. Definitely less disappointing than that one time KISS removed its makeup.
AgencySpy, another site that does does the "we are everyone and everywhere and nowhere -- bwahahaa!" thing, dug it.
What satisfies a hungry woman? Not the muscle-bound napper at left. Shredded Wheat with Strawberries, on the other hand, might give sex-starved Wifey a run for the money.
The ad comes straight out of next month's Real Simple and is brought to you by Post, the come-hither cereal company with plenty of other other colon-friendly choices. Tempting. But will they make us breakfast in bed?
"Honey, what are you doing in there? You've been on the computer all afternoon."
".......What was that?"
"Mo-om, I'm saving Cookie Puss from getting a faceful of cone!"
If that's not sufficiently crash-worthy, "CookiePussTeroids" is also spelled wrong.
John Kreicbergs was in his local Barnes & Noble the other day and walked past an end cap that caught his attention. At the end of one of the aisles was a display for Sex and the City. Pictured was Sarah Jessica Parker in a low cut top but that's not really why Kreicbergs noticed the end cap. In an odd sort of juxtaposition, the display caps the end of the Christianity section of the store.
It's not that religious people never think about or have sex, it's just that it's likely not the first thing on their mind when seeking a book on the topic.