No! No! No! Fox is The Credible Network. Not CNBC

Oops. What did you say about Bear Stearns, Jim Cramer? An ad in today's Wall Street Journal for Fox Business network is poking fun (more like slamming) CNBC's Jim Cramer for vehemently telling people not to take their money out of Bear Stearns just days before it tanked.

Fox. Ever the opportunistic marketer.

Girl Dispenses Soap From Under Her Skirt

Now you might think this up-skirt soap dispenser promoting some candid camera-style show on FX is kind of witty but, dude, do you really want to be sticking your hand up there after thousands of guys have done so before you? We didn't think so. Kind of like how you wouldn't get with the high school slut either. Oh wait, of course you would because she'd be the one that would actually put out for you. Eesh. There's a Hoff version too. Image courtesy of Adland.

You Know You Want More Spitzer Fodder

In light of the public misery (and promotional creativity) that buying an expensive hooker can wreak, the PR team of 02138 magazine (a pub for "Harvard influentials") have seen fit to tell us that Monsieur and Madame Spitzer scored the cover for the "Power Couples" issue.

They were chosen for their "influential careers and continued commitment to maintaining a strong and lasting relationship" -- their words, not ours. (Can we get a quote on that from Hillary?) We're sure the choice has nothing to do with all the traffic they'll score from bored gossip-mongers that frequent sordid sites like ours.

Read the article -- and see more sappy grayscale images -- at the 02138 website.

Silda's hawt. (We hope we look like that, pre-op, after 40.) Why the compulsion to pay for the Grail, Eliot?

WWF Encourages Positive Climate Action with Mutant Fishmen

The World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) is sharing tips and tools for minimizing your negative impact on the environment. See them at Reduce.WWF.be. (Helps if you're Belgian.)

To add cautionary appeal to the deal, WWF is promoting the site with guerrilla appearances of its fishman. Think of him as the mutant status quo for a less hospitable toxic Earth. The effort was put together by Germaine of Antwerp.

What's with non-profits and fishpeople? Why don't we ever get threatened with the conception of mutant minotaurs or X-Men? Is it not possible that our toxic future may yield supercharged heroes and creatures of fairy-tale lore in addition to radioactive six-eyed frogs and deranged (but unfairly oppressed) gill-faced rednecks?

Because Really, Toilet Paper's Overrated

Greenpeace doesn't like Cottonnelle's "Be Kind to Your Behind" campaign.

Big shocker.

What do you think the Greenpeace mooners wipe with? We're gonna take a chance and guess fig leaves, which have a natural quilted feel. Plus, they make your hands smell nice.

This Was Positioned as an Ego Trip.

This is agency Northlich's creative department. They are selling overpriced shirts for charity.

You might think they look unhappy because that's just the hipster way, but some dude from Northlich claims their EVPCD forced them to model his designs. (Did he invent the asterisk?) And each shirt supports a charity he allegedly handpicked.

"Lame," the guy said.

Yeah. This is.

A Well-Intended Rip-Off's Still a Rip-Off, Frankly

Check out this "Awareness Test" for Transport of London. The goal is to demonstrate that a driver can't avoid obstacles s/he doesn't expect to see. For people who've never seen the video before, it probably comes across as a neat way to deliver the message.

The problem is, there are plenty of people who have already seen something similar -- likely this video, which was put together in 1999 by Professor Daniel Simons of the University of Illinois.

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'But Sir, This Ain't Tobacco. It's Big League Chew.'

This anti-tobacco effort (via The Media Artist) appeared on gas station dispensers in Wyoming. Above a bottle dripping sludge, a bright sign reads, "You're not gonna sip this. But you'll kiss where it came from?" Campaign URL: WY.Quitnet.com.

We didn't get it at first, mainly because when we think "tobacco" we think "smoking," and we spent a brainfucked eight minutes pondering whether there's a connection between cigarette toxins and fossil fuel. And then IT HIT US.

That sludge is SPITTOON FODDER from CHEWING TOBACCO. The office resounded in a collective "...Ohhh" as we all got it at the same time.

Chewing tobacco. Big problem in Wyoming? We thought only cowboys and baseball players did that. (Remember the gum?) Now we'll have something to ponder through Easter weekend as we smoke away the pain of being too old to participate in egg hunting.

Aww, Don't Cry. You're Murdering Trees.

Greenpeace has built a spoof site to take on Kleenex, which, since hankies went out of mode, dominates the wipe-your-eyes and blow-your-nose market.

The "Kleer-cut" site is a barbed duplicate of Kleenex's current "Let it Out" campaign, which encourages people to hit soggy emotional highs and head for the nearest floral tissue box. "Tell calm, cool and collected to TAKE A HIKE," it coaxes. "It's time to LAUGH until you CRY. SCREAM until you spit. Show your heart and show some tears."

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'Bold Moves' Bullshit Begets "Ford. Drive One."

If there was ever a tagline shift from the nebulously ethereal do the blunt, "buy our shit now," it would be this new tagline from Ford, "Ford. Drive One." Is it possible a marketer has finally realized the purpose of advertising is to get people to buy stuff? Sadly, no. The new tagline was developed in meeting with car dealers who don't give a crap about how Cannes-worthy an ad is as long as it gets people into the dealership and cars off the lot. Who knew a great tagline could come from car dealers, purveyors of fine communication such as this disaster.

Ford CEO Alan Mulally put Group VP of Marketing Jim Farley, recently scooped from Toyota, on the job last fall and we're thinking the first stipulation he added to his employment contract was the ability to dump the "Bold Moves" tagline.

Of course, time will tell whether or not what appears to be a good tagline actually becomes one. If not, they can Farley could always go a bit further and institute "Ford. Buy One."