Adrants Salutes the (Predictable) Downfall of (that Other) Cocaine
That Cocaine energy drink that's been getting heat is finally dropping off the face of the earth. Redux Beverages has agreed to change the name of the drink, which they claim they originally chose to assuage cocaine use, not encourage it.
We originally thought pushing a drink called Cocaine was stupid but have since changed our minds after tasting it during a frenzied all-nighter.
Cocaine tastes good. And it's got this really awesome vivid pink colour that practically glows in the dark. Our only qualm? It burns the crap out of your throat. Really. Like, two cans in and you don't have a voice box.
We became particularly attached to Cut Cocaine, the, uh, less intense alternative of the alternative. It's supposed to make the burn less potent. (It does, but a burn remains.)
It probably goes without saying that Cocaine's marketing was courting trouble. In any event, we wanted to take this time to say good-bye to our brief but pleasant Cocaine binge. You walked us through some hard times and kept us alert when nothing else would.
We doubt we'll see you again, under this name or otherwise, because come on - if Enron changed its name, it'd still be Enron.
Back to that other expensive habit: gratuitous espresso abuse.