Chunky Pam Rejects Diamonds for Doritos

We all sort of wondered what happened to would-be rap star Chunky Pam, and as if to satisfy our wildest dreams she mysteriously reappears just in time for the heart-shaped holiday.

In a new MTV-produced video celebrating the merits of griddles and grills, Pam says she wants to be pampered in a way only a blinged-out pizza epicure can. Our favourite line involves Swedish fish and Swedish massage.

Unlike other sultry blondes who slinked into skinnier skins, Pam embraces decadent consumption wholeheartedly and makes it her forte. What talent. What art. What size. If only everyone were so easy to please on the 14th of February.