When will Microsoft realize there's absolutely nothing it can do to associate even the tiniest bit of cool with its brand? In yet another lame attempt, we get this flash mob stunt the brand did yesterday in New York's Lincoln Park for the launch of its new Office product.
It's as bad as that in-store dance disaster they did last Fall.
Earlier this week, Chevrolet's VP of Marketing Alan Batey sent a memo to Detroit employees instructing them to stop using the word "Chevy" to describe a Chevrolet. The car maker aims to promote uniformity and believes the word Chevy dilutes the Chevrolet brand.
Claiming it's all about consistency, the memo read, "When you look at the most recognized brands throughout the world, such as Coke or Apple for instance, one of the things they all focus on is the consistency of their branding. Why is this consistency so important? The more consistent a brand becomes, the more prominent and recognizable it is with the consumer."
This is the pursuit of the impossible. This is the pursuit of perfection. This is the pursuit of a stupid car commercial. Like it really matters whether or not your 522 horsepower V10 engine can shatter a wine glass? Like that has anything at all to do with the actual performance of the vehicle?
Idiots. A car is not a musical instrument. It's a car. People use it to get from one place to another. Oh sure, we all want to get there is style and comfort but shatter a wine glass? Seriously? There's probably one person in the world who cares about such meaningless precision. And that person is likely the creative director who envisioned this ego-fueled head trip.
Thanks. Now we know a Lexus can crack a wine glass. Like anyone gives a shit.
You have got to be kidding. This has to be a joke, right? GeniusRocket,
Victors and Spoils (Oops. What GeniusRockey hoped for didin't actually happen) and 99 Design are...wait for it...crowdsourcing a new name for crowdsourcing.
This is going overboard like a passenger jumping off the backside of the Titanic. And getting whacked by the propeller on the way down.
Apparently, $1,000 is up for grabs to anyone willing to be publicly chastise for whatever inane new name comes from this idiocy.
But just for fun, we'll give it a go: Lamevertising, MobMarketing, Franchisevertising, SwarmTeaming, HerdHocking, SocialSwarming, IdioIdiation, FlockFlacking, Social Marketing, SocialSeeding, SocialSourcing, Distributed Marketing, Collaborative Marketing or I'm So Fucking Lazy I Have to Ask Other People to Do My Job...vertising.
Why they're telling us about this four months after the fact is beyond us. And also besides the point. The important thought to take away from this Heimat Berlin-created CNN Go Beyond Borders project which celebrated...no, wait...usurped the celebration of the 20th Anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall is this: Must every historic event be marred by commercialism? Must every brand deface important events and landmarks just for its own commercial gain? Can any historic event take place without a dollar sign affixed to it?
Haven't we all had enough of these stupid commercials that promise you the world if only you drink a Coke...as if that can full of sugarized crap has anything to do with your ability to achieve success on your own?
So here we have some crap about a "boy who didn't know how to celebrate so he set off on a quest to find his own celebration." Complete with joyous lyrics about freedom and fire, the boy flies, fights against robots and climbs mountains of celebrations. But it's not until he takes a sip of Coke that he realizes the only place he needs to search for celebration is inside himself.
Gag! Please! Seriously? A kid needs to drink a a Coke to realize his potential? Seriously? What twisted sort of education is that for today's youth? Oh wait, it's the same thing every other marketer does. Buy our product and you will be magically transformed in the most supremely perfect person on the planet.
The whole Microsoft sexting thing? A total joke. It wasn't sexting and that wasn't a breast. Relax people. Seriously? If you haven't yet heard, an ad for Microsoft's new Kin shows a guy sticking his phone up his shirt to take a picture. He then sends it to a girl who "marvels" at his seemingly incredible "breasts." So says Consumer Reports writers Mike Gikas and Paul Reynolds.
Once again, dudes. Guys don't have breasts and sending a picture of a guy's chest does not constitute sexting.
The most surprising thing about this non-issue is that Microsoft actually thought what these guys had to say had merit and removed the "offending" scene from the ad. Stupid.
The audio used for the Earl and Tiger Woods ad was taken from a 2004 interview of Earl Woods during which he was talking about his wife Kultida, not Tiger. When Earl says "I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what you're thinking was, I want to find out what your feelings are and did you learn anything?", he is describing his personality in comparison to Kultida's.
It's safe to say the voiceover used for the Earl and Tiger commercial is completely out of context to the subject at hand and adds a heavy dose of ammunition to the arsenal of the ad's naysayers.
If you're going to make a spoof, at last try to make it funny. This one from Landline is lame. In act, it's beyond lame. And it's embarrassing. These guys can do much, much better. We've seen it. This is just beyond bad. The Jimmy Kimmel spoof makes this one look like the work of a kindergartner.
And this one from Someecards is equaly as bad.
Last night, ESPN and The Golf Channel aired a new Nike commercial featuring Tiger Woods...and his dead father. The black and white commercial with Woods in Nike garb staring motionless into the camera is voiced by his late father, Earl Woods, who says, "Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?"
Of the commercial and Woods, himself, Nike said in a statement, "We support Tiger and his family. As he returns to competitive golf, the ad addresses his time away from the game using the powerful words of his father."