New Colorado Lotto Spot.

See the new Colorado Lottery spot by Cactus. It promised instant fun but didn't deliver, although the spot probably would've been mildly amusing if it weren't buttressed by a threat to hit us with talent fees if we host the goddamn ad and don't take it down by October 6.

Fucking wet blankets.

Coke Learned Nothing From the Diet Coke/Mentos Phenomenon

Because Coke's My Coke Rewards was performing dismally, some employees - all of whom were expressly forbidden at the outset - were asked to participate in the brand's My Coke rewards online promotions. Seemingly to boost activity on the site, the request seems to have backfired for employees who exceeded a pre-set limit of 2,000 points.

When one employee, Frank Grant, who did what he was told and participated in the program noticed he had accumulated more than 2,000 points and was made aware of the 2,000 point limit - likely buried deep within the fine print, he offered to return the merchandise he acquired from his points. Sounds fair enough, right? Wrong. Rather than rectify the situation in a normal fashion, Coke told Grant to resign or face getting fired. According to the Vellejo Times, many other employees faced the same situation.

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Work with Google. Then Let Google Work You, You Sexy Sexy Manhunk.

Under "From" name "Work with Google," Cassabananawide.com is pushing the following spam-tastic email pitch: "Have you heard? People are using their computers to make $1,000's every week with Google!" The headline is flanked by the glowing image of a blonde giving an ecstatic male laptop-junkie a shoulder massage.

I love how it says "No product required" right next to an image of the software container, which features a prominent Google logo and that same picture of the girl giving a massage. What's that all about?

The call to action: "Yes please rush me my Google happy ending software!"

Windows Casino Thinks New Yorkers Are Jerks

Live in New York City? You're an asshole according to Windows Casino which has created an game called Torch Runner. In the game, an Olympic torch carrier must navigate his way past squirt guns and fire hydrants which threaten to extinguish the flame and avoid cars which threaten to, well, kill the torch bearer. Is this any way to treat a global sporting event which brings the people of the world together? Say what you will about Chinese politics but the Olympics aren't (or shouldn't be) about politics.

Rather than play this lame ass game, everyone should go watch Matt Harding dance his way around the world. Now that's much more akin to the spirit (at least in intent) of the Olympics.

Enough With the Stupid, Obviously Fake Video Stunts!

The creators of this Mini John Cooper video must have been watching all those fake Nike videos while concepting. This joke is so lame and so stupid, it's amazing those charged with approving it didn't simultaneously barf and yawn at the same time. Even stupid people know the physics of this would kill the guy (and/or break the board) before anyone got off the ground.

Stupid trick videos are funny. But they have to be at least a tiny bit believable to work. And can we stop with the psuedo-amateurish, wobbly camera stuff? Even a five year old with a Flip video can hold a camera more steadily than the idiot who filmed this disaster.

Dear Rance Crain: It's Time to Fire Bob Garfield

Last week, we were sent a funny ad from AMV BBDO in which Mr. T guns down a speedwalker because it's just too goofy for Mr. T's style and, seemingly, for Snickers. Bob Garfield just reviewed it, gave it zero stars and called the thing...huh...homophobic? What a minute. What the fuck? Homophobic?? I'll be the first one to crap on an ad that is overtly homophobic but, seriously, WTF?? This is the furthest thing from homophobic. Homophobia NEVER crossed my mind when I reviewed this.

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Apple Removes Mad Men's Cigarrette

In what can only be described as supremely idiotic, the cigarette in the hand of the man who appears in the famed Mad Men promotional image was digitally removed when it was placed on iTunes to promote the sale of Mad Men Season 1. WTF? Does Apple think everyone who downloads this show will then run out to the store and buy a pack of smokes so they can smoke while watching the show? Are people actually this stupid? WTF?

Without Fellini's Finesse, Peroni Does No Justice to 'La Dolce Vita'

Peroni's PR dude sent us the pitch for "Calendario," a new campaign tasked with depicting Peroni as a "timeless classic" and "Italian style in a bottle." (Well, hell. If you can get Italian style in a bottle, I suppose you would find it in the liquor aisle of your local grocer.)

We were then given a link to the Peroni website, where we found zip-zero on "Calendario." What we did find was Peroni's branded rendition of La Dolce Vita: 60 seconds long, stuffed with Peroni billboards and loaded with second-rate models that lack the five o'clock shadow and fleshy life of Federico Fellini's original cast.

That's what you'll find here -- if you can wait long enough for the damn page to load.

Truth Campaign Continues Broadway Musical-Style Idiocy

It's getting really painful to write about the Truth campaign. It's become so horrifically bad, it makes one want to digitize one's hand, shove it deep inside the internets until it finds the neck of the entity that created this horror show, squeeze really really hard and put the entity out of its misery. You know who you are Arnold and CPB people! Do you seriously believe this stuff is any good? Damn, it makes one wish you'd bring Derek Beckles back!

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Philadelphia's 'The Weavers' Painfully Dull

As part of the Philadelphia Tourism campaign, Red Tettemer found (created) a bunch of geeky bike weavers and adopted them for inclusion in the campaign. For an excruciatingly boring experience, check out The Weavers here. Maybe there's some witty twist at the end of the video but after three minutes of outrageously geeky lameness, patience was expended and attention moved elsewhere.

Apparently, there's more to the tourism campaign which will, hopefully, redeem the boredom The Weavers have caused.