To generate buzz for Netherlands-based S&M rag Massad, agency New Message enlisted dour-faced porn star Sofia Valentine to wander fetish parties and brand ass, The Story of O-style.
The so-called "spankvertising whip" -- an apt expression if I ever heard one -- looks suspiciously like a cricket bat but leaves pert white derrieres branded with "Massad, the SM Magazine."
Short and to the point. Sort of like pain. See it in action.
This isn't actually an ad, but oh, it's cute, and good testament to how our parents and friends can fuck us up before (and maybe after?) age five.
With help from Stardust Studios, director Jessica Yu of Nonfiction Unlimited produced "The Kinda Sutra" as an entry to Sundance's Documentary Shorts section. In it, a handful of brave adults admit how they were told babies were made.
"My mom taught me that when dad fell asleep, his seeds would float in the air and if one of them landed on mom, she would have a baby."
Hmm. Leo Burnett must have been taking Motrin when they created their latest Future Trends in Advertising video. As soon as Ben starts talking, WHAM, block type assault you with what Leo Burnett believes will "define 2009."
Something about a New Realism, Human Reassessment, Hyper Reality, Eco Austerity, Thread Marketing and other postulations ensue.
The video is best watched with your eyes closed. Or, better yet, just read the text on YouTube. Even better, run it through Babelizer and maybe, just maybe, something even remotely understandable will be produced.
Ever on the lookout for sensory violations, Brentter's brought us Angry Whopper ads for the UK and Germany.
In case you need refreshing, Burger King recently announced the availability of its Angry Whopper in the US with this bizarre ad, where a farmer physically abuses an onion during its crucial growing stage.
As a result, the onion leaves the earth hotter than Satan's feet. Added to a jalapeno-infused Whopper, it spanks the mouth of any office cog who dares order it.
It turns out the Angry Whopper's been on the market in Europe since May, with ads obviously tailored to each culture. The UK spot is pretty tame -- an anger management teacher, who thinks she can "handle" her rage, doesn't handle it very well after taking a bite.
As for the German one? Well, it's Germany. Add a fetish, slip it in leather and give it a whip.
The United Kingdom's got this really anal government body called the Advertising Standards Authority. Based on citizen complaints and its own yardstick for appropriateness, it's banned everything from nightmare-inducing Marmite ads to blasphemous haircare messages to mundane (but deceptive!) mascara spots.
But agency envelope pushers, take heart: the UK's FIVER network is working with Celador Productions to launch The Sexy Ad Show, a six-part send-up of some of the "raciest, most politically incorrect and barely-broadcastable adverts to [emerge] from ad-land."
For its Grease-tacular Disco Pant, American Apparel slays another guileless chick on its altar of unrepentantly exploitative ad banners. Meet Shermine, who loves! disco!
Like our compromised heroine at 2AM, the ad dramatically blacks out with the closing sell: LE DISCO PANT.
American Apparel: sure, it's seedy as all hell. But if you've followed it as long as we have, then you must admire its unwavering loyalty to a single brand persona: rain or shine, in sickness and in health, in grayscale or by low-budget lamplight.
Even Microsoft can't be that consistent.
A Humanitarian Lion supporter produced a video riffing off Burger King's Whopper Virgins campaign, where documentarians engage Third World inhabitants in hamburger taste tests -- and incidentally pop their hamburger-free cherries.
Unlike Burger King's ad footage, which makes backwater village life look exotic and friendly, the pro-Humanitarian Lion video uses images of abject poverty to illustrate "Whopper Virgins," followed by Nike Virgins, Playstation Virgins, Perrier Virgins and Human Rights Virgins.
The push point: "Millions of people cannot enjoy the world. Why not use our creativity and power to help them once a year?" A link to the Humanitarian Lion website wraps it up.
Poignant if lengthy. If nothing else, it illustrates the crassness of imposing Whoppers and Big Macs on people with bigger voids to fill.
To celebrate Virgin Atlantic's 25th anni, "Still Red Hot" brings us back to June 22nd, 1984, when London's Gatwick Airport changed forever.
On a day that would otherwise be forever defined by a miner's strike, Virgin Atlantic's premier crew of red-clad flight attendants broke the mundanity with their bitch-watch-me walks and winning smiles. A revolving ticker overhead ties fiction to fact: Virgin's first-ever flight route, VS001 to Newark, is ON TIME.
While statistics are easy to play with and manipulate to suit a particular argument, this video from Did You Know 3.0 offers up some stunning stats.
To the tune of Fat Boy Slim's Right Here Right Now, we are told tidbits such as the top ten in-demand jobs in 2010 did not exist in 2004; by age 28, people will have had 10-14 different jobs; one out of eight couples who married last year met online; if MySpace were a country it'd be the 5th largest; Bermuda has the deepest broadband penetration; the number of text messages sent and received each day exceeds the total population of the planet; the mount of information generated this year will exceed all that was generated of the past 5,000 years; an NTT fiber optic cable is capable of pushing through 2,660 CDs in one second; by 2013 supercomputers will exceed the computational capabilities of the human brain; by 2049, a $1,000 computer will exceed the computational capabilities of the entire human species.
Hmm. So maybe by 2013 contextual advertising will finally become "intelligent" enough to stop placing ads for turpentine next to stories about girls who drank the stuff to induce an abortion?
This holiday, Brew Creative decided to forego that "we're donating to charity!" crap that other agencies are doing and cut right to the good stuff. Here's a mash-up of all the depressing political soundbytes we were all subjected to this year.
If nothing else, let this knowledge fill your heart: our government makes so many warped promises that our interests are bound to be met at least some of the time, so keep right on coasting along and eating bacon.
Probably the best thing about this effort is the ability to sift through a broad array of disconnected soundbytes and make your own "message of hope." Politico quotables are divided between "Phrases" and "Connecting words." Good times.
Mashup features provided with help from Sevnthsin.