This! This is how you sell a smartphone! Who knew?
Yes. You get a super hot looking woman and have her prance around her apartment as if she's about to have sex with herself. You make sure she stares longingly at herself in the mirror, bites her lower lip, runs her fingertips over her breasts and down her thigh, squeezes into a pair of tight jeans and iron her shirt in an ejaculatory orgasm of steam.
And then you have her pull her phone out of the shirt pocket she just ironed over because, well, the phone is so slim she didn't even know it was there.
Let's just get right into it and start with this:
"We are incredibly excited about the opportunity to bring Adam & Eve to the public this way. We are encouraging drivers who run across our trucks along I85, I95, I75 and I77 to send us pictures (via twitter @adamandeve and Facebook) of the trucks to track their effectiveness and possibly win prizes."
According to News Corp. Australia, the definition of an intern is a hot, young, plaything dressed in lingerie atop a bed with a look of sexual anticipation on her face.
Yes, in what has to be categorized as the dumbest marketing move of the century, News Corp. Australia publication Sunday Style posted an image of a woman clad in heels and lingerie atop a bed on Instagram with the copy, "We are on the hunt for fashion interns! Email your CV to firstname.lastname@example.org or tag friends who might be good candidates"
In another time and era, one could argue that this bus side ad from Florida-based Estrella Insurance was, you know, tongue and cheek funny. In some ways, it is. In others, it's just another step back to the Stone Age.
Thirty-year-old Lara Tait has launched Boobs for Science, a blog and Facebook page designed to call attention to developments in science. And women all over Italy are happy to contribute.
Given the continuously sex-addled mind of the human male, you wouldn't think a strip club would have to advertise at all. Yet they do. Apparently even horny men need motivation from time to time.
One such strip club -- yes, the prefer to be called a gentleman's club -- Spearmint Rhino has decided its time to do an online ad. Well, a YouTube video that's an ad actually.
The ad places Spearmint Rhino strippers -- or actresses that play strippers -- inside an office setting with all the usual antics and shenanigans. Complete with charts that -- haha, we get the joke -- scream "Customer smiles on the rise" and a break room that's, well, a strip club, the semi-NSFW ad goes all out like an old school GoDaddy ad on Viagra.
This is a rare one for Subway. After all, it's brands like Carl's Jr. and Agent Provocateur that usually own the sex sells angle. So to see the seemingly conservative Subway get all up in our faces with the Sexy Halloween Costume thing is, to be honest, a bit jarring.
But who are we to get down on a brand for having a bit of harmless fun? Wait, what? Harmless fun? You mean the kind of fun that sets women back 50 years and cements the fact that they're sex objects?
This is just what every man who is stuck in the desert wants, right? Not water. No way. That's boring. How about a bevy of bodacious babes shaking their booty in Agent Provocateur lingerie? Oh yea. That's way better, right?
Of course it is! After all, if you were stranded in the desert and given the choice of water or ten hot women barely dressed in bras and thongs sticking their impossibly bootylicious asses and bulging breasts in your face until you were about to explode all over the place, what would you choose?
Fact: Boobs bounce when women run. Fact: Society thinks bouncing boobs are somehow offensive. So what happens when a woman wearing a strapless top jogs along the beach -- in slow motion...as Chariots of Fires plays -- while her boobs bounce uncontrollably all to sell a "strapless" fitness tracker from TomTom?
The ad gets banned, of course. Somehow, a woman's natural assets are offensive to some. Perhaps they've never taken a course in physics which would have informed them that motion and gravity tend to have an effect on things. Perhaps they fail to realize that boobs are just a natural body part that all women possess that shouldn't define them any more than the size of one's finger does.
Alas, breasts have a stigma. They are equated with sex and many feel anything other that well concealed breasts just scream, "I'm a sex object and all I want is sex 24 hours a day, seven days a week."
And this is why ads with bouncing boobs get banned
And while we're on the topic of lingerie, here's yet another ad confirming the apparent fact only super hot women wear lingerie. This ad, for Ultimo, has British model Abbey Clancy sporting several version of the brand's under things.
It would seem the old adage holds true. If you've got it, you might as well flaunt it and that's just what Clancy's been doing. This shoot follows other work she's done for lingerie brands Veet and Scholl.
Interestingly, her appearance in those Veet and Scholl ads has sparked what's being referred to as "bra wars" and has angered Ultimo big wig Michelle Mone. It seems Clancy did work for other brands while still under contract with Ultimo.
But let's not let that little kerfuffle get in the way on appreciating Clancy's stunning beauty.