Oh ha, ha, ha. We get it. How could we not? Why don't you just get a toilet plunger and shove your witty little double entendre down our throat to make sure we really, really understood the oh-so-witty joke you were trying to make. Come on. Our mouth is wide open and ready to receive your sorry ass creativity.
Oh, sorry, you want to know what we're talking about? But, come on, we always have so much fun when we switch into trash mode. Can't we go on just a little bit longer? OK, OK, we'll tell you. The creator of this commercial for language learner Berlitz thought some sledge hammer-style visual paronomasia (look it up) would be the best way to show people how Berlitz can make a huge (did we say huge?) change in your foreign language speaking skills. We humbly submit that we get your point, Berlitz.
In the customs line at Heathrow we saw this leggy ad reading "I love Italian shoes."
And then we blinked. What's that logo in the upper left-hand corner? Is that a wide-open, heart-shaped pair of legs? Then we understood. If crotch shots keep Britney in the public eye, why not use the same method to promote the quality of Italian footwear?
The logo and ads are brought to you by ANCI, the National Association of Italian Footwear Manufacturers. The ad we saw (and hastily snapped for posterity) goes on to say, "The words 'Made in Italy' are a guarantee of fine Italian-crafted shoes."
Who are we to say a quality product can't open wide every once in awhile?
OK, OK OK! We don't usually highlight spec ads but because no less than nine people have sent us this video, we guess there must be some kind of demand for it so here it it. Believe it or not, we've grown tired of Wonderbra's wacky efforts at advertising its supportive devices but it seems many have not including the creators of this wannabe ad.
The "ad" uses the age-old visual trick of the revolving spiral that, when stared into for a while, can make the following image appear to move as well. In this case, it's a pair of bra-clad breasts which seem to continuously get bigger. Yet another witty representation of the apparently magical breast enlarging qualities on Wonderbra.
Wow. Could this potentially sexy ad be any less sexy and more pedestrian that it is? To promote its full body blow dryer, Triton created a video featuring a nude model in her bathroom taking a shower and then drying off. While all this imagery is happening (nude and possibly NSFW), an announcer drones on about how the product saves on towel usage, doesn't spread germs, makes for less laundry, reduces harmful humidity, warms you on a cold winter morning and makes drying the kids and pets fun.
Hmm, apparently every ad doesn't have to be innuendo-laden and over the top objectifying of women to actually convey a commercial message. Who knew?
When the vanity that is Hair Club for Men Hooks up with the vanity that is Playboy, it's clear we've entered a new chapter in the book of cultural vanity. When otherwise perfectly good looking but folically challenged men are paired with perfectly airbrushed (oh wait. that's so 70's. Photoshopped) Playboy Playmates, well, you have an online game, of course. Yes, really. After all, it's likely the only time you'll see a balding guy with a hot chic.
The game, Photo Hunt was created by Cowboy, an agency George Parker recently riffed asking, "Cowboy!!! Fucking Cowboy!!! They have to be kidding, right?"
So you're going to accuse us of covering this news item simply because of our apparent penchant for all things racy? Please, please, please. Have more confidence in us that that! There isn't even any nudity in this work. Well at least not the real kind.
Anyway, in Germany, they let brands take over the covers of Playboy and car maker SEAT, with help from Barcelona-based Atletico International Advertising, has one of its cars climbing the mountainous regions of a woman illustrated in the form of an elevation map.
The special edition of the magazine was distributed as a giveaway and was placed in the waiting rooms of German SEAT dealers. Not so subtly, the tagline translates to English as, "SEAT Altea Freetrack. Access All Areas."
See. No nudity.
Did you ever have that fantasy about looking so hot that other hotties literally pause on the street to look at you? Or make love to themselves against your windows? Or put on period costumes to play kinky games around your body while you complete yoga postures?
We all have. And it's all in this Equinox spot by Fallon.
But wait! There's more.
In yet another example of what constitutes acceptable advertising in countries outside the United States, we have this billboard in Denmark with a decidedly blunt message. Promoting the alcoholic energy drink Cult Shaker, the events the company hosts and its "Cult Girls," the board asks us to "fornicate" the naked girl shown on the billboard because she is famous.
Hopefully, nobody takes board's message too seriously and starts humping it like a frustrated boy at a high school prom who, for the whole night, has been maddeningly titillated by his date's protuberant prom dress cleavage and, as a result, is nearing both an embolism caused by his throbbing heart rate and the onset of another imminently explosive, uncontrollable bodily event.
Whoa. Where did that come from? Well, hey, the board is pretty blunt so why not some blunt editorial to accompany it?
In what could possibly be construed as a sort-of NSFW image (hey, she is wearing a bathing suit), we have here some lusciously prime booty beef donning the Apple logo in some sort of twisted brand appreciation. Oh yes, the lady doesn't have the logo painted on, rather Photoshopped, but it's still a well-placed logo floating around Flickr bound to be seen by many. Mac fanatics will rejoice.
Just yesterday, we had the pleasure of viewing seven ladies clad (barely) in UPS garb seemingly showing their love for the Brown. Like Assvertising of old, booty branding seems to be the new trend of the moment. After all, two makes a trend, right?
What is it about UPS that causes hot women to dress in sexy versions of the delivery company's uniforms and pose alluringly for the camera. The famed "UPS Girl" has been floating around the web for years dressed in high heeled boots, booty-baring, thong-like hot pants, a halter top and the signature cap. She's beautiful. She's girl-next-door cute and she's hot.
Apparently, UPS is just fine with this hottie sporting the company's brand. That is unless we've missed the cease and desists...which, of course would be stupid. What brand wouldn't want to have their face in front of every girl-obsessed person in the world? You can see all of her in all her glory here. To say she is fine would be an understatement.