OK, this is weird. Apparently, Enrique Iglesias is small. As in small down there between the legs. Small as in most condoms are too big for him. Why anyone might publicly admit to this as Enrique does to Esquire saying, "I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it's really embarrassing for people - you know, from experience" baffles us a bit.
Reacting to this public statement, Lifestyles Condoms says it will guarantee Enrique one million dollars if he agrees to try on and model the varies sizes Lifestyles offers. If he agrees, photos of the condom fitting session will appear on the manufacturers site and on the packaging of the product the fits Enrique properly. Of course, we think the photos that do appear, won't be blatantly showing Enrique in all his extended glory.
Perhaps not being so big has its advantages. After all, with a girlfriend like Anna Kournikova likely causing "extentions" 24/7, it might be a good thing not to have to take your pants off every time one of those "extensions" decides to occur. Especially in public.
So will Enrique take the bait? Unlikely but at least Lifestyle condoms will get some press. And, we'll have yet another excuse to show you a picture of Anna. Oh, and Enrique too.
If you were driving behind a bus that had this Bee Lee model emblazoned across it's back, would you:
A. Revert to the age of 14, start drooling, fiddling with yourself and ultimately slam yourself into her ass...er, crash into the bus?
B. Serenely admire the exquisite beauty of the models body and appreciate it for a higher art form?
C. Act like a crazy cause group freak and report Bee Lee as an appallingly insensitive company guilty of objectifying women?
Seriously, we really want to know.
We weren't going to do it. We promise. Nope. We weren't going to fall for the obvious trap but, then again, we are here to serve. Here to provide you with everything your advertising-addled brain desires. So after receiving a few "have you seen this," "dude, you gotta see this," "I can't believe you haven't seen this" emails and links to all manner of publication, we decided to provide our desirous readers what they crave.
So, here it is. Tom Ford's new creation. Gee. Wow. Boobs. An agape "insert here" mouth. Oh, and some Tom Ford for Men Fragrance. OK. Can we move on now?
For all you men who are...um...less than stupendously hung, fear not. This recent IRN-BRU outdoor board just might help sway prevailing wisdom that bigger is better. Of course IRN-BRU's got some serious girth itself so it still falls into the bigger is better category in one respect. Sorry, guys. I was trying to help. At least IRN-BRU's provided a bikinied, sexy-looking lady to look at. Maybe that will lift your spirits to greater heights.
Well since there's apparent surprise we haven't yet seen this cheeky New Zealand spot for Sky Television's Fresh TV, an adult channel, we're happy to oblige anyone who's confuzzled as to why we, contrary to popular belief, don't have spies in every agency in every country around the world. So here it is. During it's 1:10 length, it contains more metaphors and sexual innuendo than we'd dare say you'd find on Adrants in a year. Or maybe a month., OK, a week but still. We particularly like "beef curtains."
Give it a watch. It comes courtesy of DDB New Zealand. See how many metaphors you can spot. There's an accompanying website but it seems it's too filthy and there's only a "Be Back Soon" image.
Shake Well Before Use writer Ariel Waldman, living up to the technology, advertising and, most importantly, sex aspects of her site's tagline, brings us this QSOL server ad that's got everyone's panties and jockstraps in a twist. With the headline "Don't feel bad, our servers won't go down on you either" not so subtly placed next to an image of a woman's face with giant red lips (like we haven't seen that image anywhere before) who looks like she might actually be ready to, this ad conjures every bad stereotype out there regarding geeks, their technology and their seeming inability to get any.
It's even got feministas all a twitter ("The misogyny is obvious, since the ad treats women explicitly and entirely like sexual objects."). But the best thing about this tempest in a Donny Deutsch Speedo is the comment from Sarah MC who wrote, "Sometimes I really feel for men. They buy a product (women), expecting it to work like it's supposed to (sexual slave), and it malfunctions! There really is no justice." Indeed.
There's really no reason or us all to get turgidly heated over this becasue a simple re-write of the headline will make this all go away: "Don't feel bad, our ad won't sell any servers either."
Our dirty-minded friend Freud once said a cigar is just a cigar. But there's something deliciously perverse about the outdoor ads for Camel's new menthol Wides, which are "big fat delicious."
For some, it may be all too tempting to set a new Wide between their lips and...
Blow some smoke?
Light that fire?
There's no way this can end nicely.
Once again confirming boobs, butts and bimbos can get the human race (or at least mean) to do anything, Heavy has launched its second annual Massive Mating Game which offers guys the chance to win a day with one of four "hottest girls on Earth" simply by watching their videos and becoming their friends on MyHeavy.
Well, Heavy has certainly cracked the male 18-34 code with this one insuring lots of drool and other fluids will hit keyboards as men slather over these videos trying to decide which of the "hottest girls on Earth" is...well...the hottest. It's so easy a caveman could do it. Oh wait, that one's taken.
According to Copyranter, American Apparel has run out of ideas. No longer toying with masturbation, foot fetishes or witty word play, the retailer is left with nothing but women bending over while wearing tights. Comparatively, this recent ad is so tame it could almost be mistaken for and American Airlines ad.
When we viewed the latest Obama Girl video in which she squares off against a trio of Giuliani Girls, we, of course, enjoyed watching Obama Girl, the beautiful Amber Lee Ettinger, shake, twist strut and generally amaze us with her beauty. But, every so often our eyes were distractingly drawn to one of the ladies in the Giuliani posse who seemed to curvaceously jut outward in every direction. With each bend of the hips and thrust of the chest, seemingly impossible curvaceousness filled the video as if Amber Lee weren't even present.
A little digging reveals the woman to be none other than former WWE Diva and model Rebecca Dipietro who does, indeed, posses amazing curves and isn't afraid to show them off. Anyway, as you know, it's probably just us and non one else suffered this distraction from the beautiful Amber Lee but we thought we'd make you queasy by sharing because, well, we like to emotionally mess with our readers.