OK so Trojan has what's probably the world's smallest vibrator; good for sneaking into the conference room to alleviate boredom during some douchebag's elongated presentation. But sometimes, small isn't always good. Sometimes size does matter and you just really, really WANT a big ass vibrator to shove up your...oops, sorry. We're supposed to be talking about advertising here.
Oh yes, we've written about porn and advertising many, many time before. Just do a search for "porn" and you'll see for yourself. Well, here's another to add to the list. Adrants reader Alisa tipped us to the Blank is Like Blank site on which ten "advertising is like porn" statements were made.
This was published here a little over a year ago and in the interest of reviewing the predictions made in the article, we're reprinting it. All the predictions haven't come true but we are certainly on our way.
What? Wait a minute. This just isn't right. Have we finally realized women aren't the only objects that can be used to sell beer? Is it possible a hot guy could attract as much attention as a hot girl? Just what is going on here? Are we observing a new trend of sorts? What, pray tell, are all the leering, slobbering, Budweiser drinkers going to do now that they may be subjected to the trite objectification of men instead of the beer babeliciousness they have come to expect from most brewers' advertising?
We are stunned. Stunned! Have we reached a culturally significant watershed moment here? This just boggles the mind. This turns things upside down. Are the Coors Twins out of a job? What about the Miller Lite Cat Fight babes? The St. Pauli Girl? The Rolling Rock Beer Ape Babes? The Milwaukee's Best Automotive Girl? The Foster's Beer Boob? The Bavaria Beer grocery store stripper? Beer.com's Virtual Bartenders? The Troegs Beer burping and farting babe? The Labatt's Blue lesbians?
To promote the Secret touchscreen and 5-mp camera phone, LG puts it in the hands of a stalker who uses it to "interact" with a sleeping woman in another apartment. Wait for the part where he sighs, and the phone shakes, and the covers come off!
Engadget's take: "early-90s softcore voodoo porn." But it gets better. No promo porn is complete without the cheap comedic ending that makes everything feel safely commercial again. Well, unless you're P. Diddy.
So you're talking a nice drive into the city with your grandparents (or parents, or kids...choose appropriate scenario) to show them where you work and hang out or maybe to go to the park or even to Ground Zero for a visit. As you drive along, you look to your left and...OMG...ASS! A giant, arched ass is staring you in the face and it's all you can do to hope no one else in the car is seeing what you're seeing. Though the size of the ass and the mobile billboard truck its mounted on is far, far too big to go unnoticed. (Yes, I know the picture has palm trees in it and is probably LA but just go with it.)
Oh look! Trojan really does care how women feel during sex. Oh sure, they make all kinds of ribbed condoms and stuff but if a lady's man can't last long enough for all that ribbed goodness to do its thing, it's all kind of pointless. Enter Trojan Vibrating Touch, a battery-powered finger widget that delivers...um...personalized pleasure and is pretty much guaranteed to last as long as it takes...unlike the aforementioned male-powered method of stimulation.
So it's Friday which means thoughts begin to turn away from work to some of the more pleasurably social aspects of life like...oh...watching a hot girl in a blue bikini fight with her bush until she's able to tame it with Bikini Zone. Yes, it's sunny. It's time to go to the beach so that means it's time to get looking good down there.
Helping in that area is Studio 8 which just created a parody-style Japanese commercial for the product line which takes us through various battles the girl wages against her untamed mane.
Hmm. Suddenly, I have an urge to go to the beach.
The latest from Barely Political, home of Obama Girl, is The Incredible McCain Girl, a poor girl who gets angry...like McCain, apparently does, and does battle with Obama Girl who tries to hottie-dance, unsuccessfully, against MCain Girl's "hulking" presence. Catch it this summer at a theater near you. Or here on YouTube.
To promote Tom of Finland, a new manly-man scent from Etat Libre d'Orange, Ogilvy/Paris attached naughty images to protruding public fixtures.
Tom of Finland was a gay comic and erotica artist dedicated to preserving his craft. The Ogilvy street images follow his aesthetic.
About the scent: Antoine Lie, who created the fragrance, says the perfume manifests "a guy coming out of a shower. He's clean, but not fragranced. And he puts on leather pants."
Um, okay then. Onto the ads (with captions thoughtfully imagineered by me):
o Hard-ons on the promenade
o Dent-resistant elephant tusk
o Length isn't everything
o Warholian meter maids. Got a quarter for the big boys?
o Leaning tower of indefatigable self-esteem
o "...I guess I'm just lucky, Tad. As far as I can tell, I'm the only man capable of hugging my best friend."
The campaign started running in San Francisco at the beginning of June. They also appeared in Paris' Marais, a big gay hot-spot, last weekend.
Thanks to in:fluencia for the tip-off, and to Adrants reader Chris for the video of the Parisian wheatpasters (linked above).
Up until the payoff, this could be a commercial for anything. After all, sex sells everything, right? Why couldn't this be an ad for...oh, a house painting company? A car wax brand? A....lawn fertilizer brand?
But a condom brand? So predictable.